لا تقتلي قلباً أحبك كالمجنون

وتلقي روحاً تجاوزت لأجلك كل الظنون

فالحب ماهو لعبةٌ رابحٌ فيها أو مهزوم

الحب قلبٌ تملؤه المشاعر والجنون

إن كان بيدك إحرسيه بالعيون

وإن أضعته ستبكي عليه ليالٍ وشهور

لا تتركي قلباً عاش لأجلك كل العهود

من نظرةٍ أولى أشعل قلبك بنارٍ حنون

ولا تطعني قلباً بخنجر تنزف منه السموم

فالحب أسمى من أن يجرح

أو يقهر بألمٍ مسكون

وإن كانت لديك فرصة لا تتركي الباب مقفول

فالحب إن طرق بابك

سوف تعيشي في القصور وقصة حبٍ سوف تنشر

عن حبٍ عاش ولن يزول

T.N.T

ok here is something that really pisses me off......

i know that people grow up in a society where you have "Men" and
"Women", where the women are submissive to their men and have no say
when it comes to big decisions. They are born into this world to have
children, raise them, cook, take care of the house and their husbands
and keep quiet....

i know we've come a long way from there but that mentality still
exists today in our society and is just, how should i put this, ......
"undercover".......

i dont understand why we have to take that and put it in everything
around us....

the other day i was with my psychologist, yes i see a psychologist and i
honestly think everybody should!!!! so i was saying, i was talking to
him and he asked me if i were more into the "femme" genre or the
"butch" genre..... i didnt get what he meant and that because, for me,
i grew up in a society where you were either straight or gay. i didnt
make the difference between femme and butch, i just had the homosexual
concept in my head

i think it is just another way to categorize things, butch being what
the world know as "man" and femme what people know as "woman".

all that just makes me sick.....

i believe that we, and by we i mean all women; straight, bi, lesbians,
all women are both femme and butch.

femme and butch are just 2 concepts the first to describe the feminine
side of the woman and the second to describe the more "manly" side

i believe that all women are feminine and butch. Even if you are
overweight or that you have a very manly look or body. its not in the
looks, its in how you act and how you think.

all women are feminine. when you see a baby and go "aaaaawwwwww" you
are feminine. when you are with your friends and compliment them on
their look, you are feminine. when you hug your friend and cuddle, you
are feminine. when you close your eyes when you kiss your loved one,
you are feminine.

all women, at some point, are butch. when you find yourself standing
up for yourself, when everything is going against you, you are butch.
when you have to take care of yourself and your loved ones you are
butch. when you get into fights and you shout your lungs out to make a
point and be heard, you are butch.
...
...
....
....
.....
.....
it is bad enough that we are subject to discrimination in our society,
we dont need that in our community, we need to stand up for ourselves
and forget all about the stereotypes we grew up with and start living
in a healthier world.

Bi and Proud

i spend my nights sometimes wasting my time thinking about human nature: the basis of our existence, the nature of our behavior and our core values. And it makes me wonder, how did we get to a point where hurting the others was acceptable, natural and inevitable. We got to a point where we expect nothing more than the worst in people.
We’re always waiting for that moment where the other stabs us in the back holds us down or simply walk away in order to say: “Aha! I knew you were gonna hurt me!”
Why?! Why did we stop believing in people?! Why did we give up on each others?!
I look at myself now and I wonder who my real friends are?! What is a friend by definition?
Well, to me a friend is someone who is there without needing to ask him to be. A friend is someone who won’t mind coming over on a Saturday night and just hanging out on your couch watching DVDs. A friend is someone who will call you when he gets caught by his parents sneaking out of the house at 3 am and laughing his head off. A friend is someone you can call at 5 am just so that you could break your own loneliness. A friend is someone who will hop in the car right next to you, when he knows from experience that you drive like a crazy maniac. A friend is someone you can count on to have your back even when the fault is most likely yours.
A friend is simply there to be as crazy as you are, as supportive as humanly possible, as understanding as you need him to be.
Who are our real friends in that case?
Better yet, are we good friends to the people who honored us with that title?
Somewhere along the way we lost the true deep meaning of friendship, we took for granted the people who stood by us, we ignored those who rightfully needed us! We sold out!
Friendship is the gift you give yourself! Why is it that we find it easy to hurt the people who depend on us? Why do we see the need to gossip and spill out their secrets? How come we don’t mind selling out on them and exchanging them for anyone that came along?!
Why do we give up on people so easily?!
We are a bunch of people connected to each other by a common ground. However relationships were build on Meem’s grounds. Friendships, love, businesses, families… we can’t throw these gifts just like that! We have to learn to treasure them. It’s not every day that you find people you can relate to as much as our little family. These people are the ones who are going to stand by us when the tide of society tries to wave us away. we need each other, and it’s time we learnt how to be good to each other.

KIM

I feel I lost everything
Living my life for nothing

I have nothing attached to, specially my spirituality
And to gain it again, I really don’t have the ability

I feel that God will never forgive me
This is not what he wanted me to be

I had kind of humanity
I lost it out of stupidity

At the same time, my best therapist just had a vacation
While I was living 2 weeks of depression

From the day I said bye
I was never high

How can I when I am not feeling her inside?
When she goes for a vacation, I feel as if she left me a side

Logically, I understand she needs it
But emotionally I can not accept it even a bit

I feel so lonely without her
I really miss her

She is everything I have
With her I feel so brave

To stay alive
And happily to survive

1 week past as 2 month
Where I cannot open my mouth

And say I am sad
Which made me live a hard time in my bed

Not being able to sleep
Calling you so deep


For 18 hours a day
Until I believed the last time was the last goodbye

Now, I am crying deeply
Waiting for tomorrow fearfully

But whatever happens I want to thank you
And say one last thing:” till the last breath in my life I love you”

DOUDZ

Behind the door we meet
Away from people's looks
Behind the door grows a love
Strong and quite unique

Locked away it remains
For years with no end
Stuffed quite undercover
Where no one can see it

The closet is dark and dry
Yet humid and cold too
There's light sneaking in
From its smallest hole

The reflection we see
Of lovers walking past us
Painfully strikes home
Bulletproofing our hearts

It's too crowded in here
Baby I'm stepping out
Take my hand and you know
We can face this world

TRU

rain! on the land of beauty
rain! wash the anger of my heart
rain! clear the feelings to me
rain! so the sun can shine even more
rain! there is nothing beautiful than the sky's eyes
I am crying like the sky, pouring my pain away
because the sun will shine tomorrow
and see the beauty of the pain fading away
I am smiling right now
I am smiling to tomorrow, because it is a better day
I am smiling to tomorrow, because I'll see her beautiful face
I am smiling to tomorrow, because I'll hear the word i wanna hear
I am thankful to the rain, because its washing my pain away.

JO.D

وهكذا تبدأ قصة حبٍ
بأملٍ جامحٍ يعشق الجنون
تسافر الأحلام على ظهر الغيوم
وتغرق العيون ببحر العيون
والقلب يدق والروح تحوم
والجسد يرقص رقصة النسور
وتدق ساعة النصر المحتوم
ويغرق القلب والروح الحنون
بمشاكل الحب والقهر المظلوم
فقصة العشق ما هي تدوم
إلا بموت الأحباب تكون
لكن الحب دوماً يكون
نسراً يحلق فوق النجوم
وقمراً يضيء أضواء العيون
والجسد إن مات
القلب يدوم
والحب في القلب دائماً مسكون

T.N.T

She walked into my life
Like a queen would only do
And so this time around
The fairy tale came true

In the midst of it all
She looked right in my eyes
So the world disappeared
The second she took me miles

It took long rainy days
And endless nights of pain
For the perfect rainbow
To sneak in after the rain

TRU

قاومي كُلّ الحواجز
إقطَعي كُلّ الخُطوط
وحرِّري كُلَّ القُيود
قطَعتي مَسافَةً لا تُستَهان
وكسَرتي حَبل المصاعِب
وجعَلتي مُستقبَل المرأه
مُستقبَلاً يدعو للإفتِخار
تابِعي طَريق النضال
حاربي كُلَّ الجِبال
فالحَقُّ بين يديكِ
ولو كانَت الطريق طويله
فالمسافه ليست المُراد
بل حَقُّك ِ في العيش كريمه
هو حَقٌّ يستَحِقُّ الجِهاد
T.N.T

تحومي حول نفسك في دوامة حزنك
في قلبك جرحٌ عميق يبحث عن من يشفي جرحه
مكسورة الجناح تسيرين
تتخبطين في داخلك، وترفضين الحياة
ابتسامه خاطفة، ابتسامه حزينة
حتى الابتسامه باتت خطيئة
تريدين الخروج إلى هذه الحياة
تريدين تنشق هواء الحريه
صوتك مازال يختنق
حرقة قلب تهتف بأعلى صوت أريد أن أعيش
لماذا تكونين سجينة نفسك
لماذا تكونين سجينة دمعك وحزنك
لن تبقي تبكي وتحزني
فجري غضبك، اصرخي بأعلى صوت
بصوت فيه كبرياء وكرامة وقوة جبارة
أريد أن أعيش، أريد أن اختار
أريد حريتي وكرامتي، وعنفواني


T.N.T

A mon Idole ,
J’ai besoin de tes grands yeux noirs , pleins de rêves . . .
de tes tendres baisers , pleins de fièvre . . .
de ta tendre bouche parfaite , qui quand je me frôle ,me fait monter
au septième ciel . . .
Dans mon Coeur , tu as fait planter le Bonheur
Qui depuis que tu vas partir , va se transformer en grande peine . . .
Demain , j’aurai de plus en plus peur
De te perdre à tout jamais . . .
Même si tu ne cesse de hanter mes nuits
J’aimerai pouvoir te dire
Que ma vie , je te la dédie . . .
Sans Toi, rien n’est pareil
Mais pourtant c’est bien réel
Quand j’irai vous rencontrer
Nous ne serons plus séparées
Nous allons nous nager dans les océans de nos rêves . . .

L.e.n.s

Dear my heart,
After you’ve been around the block a couple of times, you start to draw your standards. You start to figure out what you want and what you need and how to compromise between the two. It takes time and effort and a lot of work, that normally you wouldn’t have done. But you feel it when the person you’re with is worth fighting for, worth trying for… worth feeling for. And you get your heart broken. Because that’s how the story goes. People keep falling in and out of love their entire life. They’re always seeking new ways and new people to fill the void, that empty little black hole in their existence. And filling up that little black hole, it makes all the difference. It gives your life meaning. I mean, let’s face it: a life without love?! A life without that special someone to watch over you and witness as you fulfill your destiny? That’s no life at all!

And in the midst of falling in and out of love, there is that one person! That one love that stands out from all the rest. Raising your standards so high that it makes it almost impossible to find anyone else to rise to the occasion, ever!

And even if you were the one to flee this love, this commitment. Even if you were the one who could not handle that much affection and wrap your mind and heart around that much comprehension and devotion. Even if you were the one to break her heart, you still end up heart broken, unfixable.

Along the way of your healing process, you stumble across a new person. You like that person so much that you think “ maybe, just maybe that person will fix my heart”. And you live in that fantasy trying to recreate what you had felt before all the while knowing deep down that there is no way the two can be compared!

The thing is you never brace yourself for the other outcome: the possibility where this new person is not supposed to heal your heart, but where you’re supposed to fix your heart on your own.

You know when someone stands out from the rest. Even if you’ve only been through a couple of relationships. Even if half of them don’t count. Even if you still have 100 lives to live. You know when someone is a turning point in your life. You know when that someone will be the pillar to which everyone else will be compared.

You can tell when you’ve been imprinted by a love so strong and so perfect.

Dear my heart, I am so sorry I had to put you through this. I am so sorry I made all of your next conquests meaningless. I wish you nothing more but to be able to get past through that one day, to be able to feel again through the numbness.

Dear my heart, I am sincerely hoping this is the last time I write you such a letter… twice in a lifetime is quite enough. I hope we never meet again.

Yours sincerely, Destiny.

kim

I had a dream
it seemed beautiful ..
it was lighting like a candle
giving hope all over the place..
giving warm feelings to me
day after day.
day after day..
and this candle started to lose the charm
started to lose the light
hope, love, faith
they all started to fade away..
it started to get dark..
you know what i mean
the hope is gone..
the faith is is gone
only love was hanging in there..
and i knew ..
it will go away..with no looking back
with cruelness it will go
with knives straight in the heart
and it will let it bleed and bleed

i know i will have scares that will keep reminding me!!

so i took a deep breathe..and a deep look
realizing that the candle is suffering since there is no air to keep it shine
and in no time
i turn it off..i let it die..
i was sad and i am still
my heart is sore with no tears..

this is my dream..
i let it die..
and it hurt
it is so painful
that i feel
so fucking high.

JO.D

This was inspired by someone's note - What's Love Got To Do With It? - It got me thinking about the normative view of the "ideal" partner and the "healthy" relationship. I still don't seem to get the general consensus or the fine line it draws between what's "good" and what's "bad".

Typical "Mouwasafet" of the Better Half - honest, loyal, unique, educated, a good listener, not alcoholic, not on drugs, doesn't sleep around, etc. etc.

How inflexible is that? & What does it take to break the norm? Love?

Assume you're in love. With a married person. "Cheating" takes a whole new meaning. It may even lose its meaning. You thought you'd never bear it, but there s/he is, in bed, with his/her spouse, every night.

Or if you're in love with a compulsive liar. Or a pessimist. Or a dramaqueen.
Or a prostitute. Or a constant traveler. Or a "bottom" like yourself.

Do you lose the relationship? Or the ego?
Along with the core "values" you'd always sought?

When do they cease to matter - the lies, the drama, the ego, the distance, the hash, the multiple partners, etc? When do you become immune to the "bad" stuff? How do you make peace with it? Why go through it in the first place? What makes it worth it?

Do such "relationships" ever end? I don't get how such a love can be defeated. Or is there a difference, between the love and the relationship?

I don't know.

-tfm

Life starts tonight
Under the moonlight
On our back we lie
Our hearts to the sky

Stars above our bed
Circulating in my head
A meteor passes fast
A spell it does cast

The clouds make way
An order they obey
And the sun shines on

So so life has begun
This time with a spark
Between us in the dark

A word or two i speak
The night's at its peek

Love you whisper gently
As us intertwined we be

Our future's just a night away

The night's just a minute away

Tru

I never really knew that you were everything in my life..
I never really knew that you made me feel secure and happy
I never really knew that you being in heaven means me being in hell.
But I will take this time out, and I will change my life forever.
and I will jump out of my hole that I put myself in.
and no..I don't feel guilty for me being who I am.
I will never feel guilty cuz I couldn't say sorry before you go.
Because I know that you forgave my immaturity with your big heart.

JO.D

إستيقَظَت ذاتَ صباح ورأَت أنَّ حياتها لا معنى لها، وباتت تهرُب مِن ماضيها وحاضِرِها، وربّما مِن مُستقبلٍ مجهول قد بدأت تهابُه.كانت سعيده أو رُبّما لا، كانت تعتقِد أنّها سعيده، رُبّما لأنّها كانت تُخفي حُزنها وألمها في داخِلِها ولم تكُن تبوح بهِ لأحد. أدركت ذات صباح أنَّ حياتها فارِغه، لا تعرِف ماذا تُريد ولماذا تحيا، وفجأةً يرُنُّ هاتِفُها وتغمُرها فرحةٌ لا تُوصف، تشعُر أنّها تطير، فحبيبتها قد إتّصلت بها، وكأنَّ الجنّه قد فتحت أبوابها ونارُ جُهنّمٍ قد إنطفَأت

T.N.T

I spent my life trying to please them.But for one time in my life...I am going to please myself.I am going to do something I love, for the first time in my life.

JO.D

People don’t ask you why you have dark hair or why your skin color is darker than theirs.People don’t ask you why you have green eyes or why your face has this shape.People don’t ask you why you are a Christian or a Muslim or Jewish or of any religion.They know that the answer to all of these questions is the same: I was born like thiswhy can’t they understand then, that we are born with our sexuality, it is not a choice that we make?i understand the fact that they find it hard to accept it and that only because they fear what they do not know.Homosexuality is in the nature around us. Some animals are homosexuals, some of them are hermaphrodites, and some are asexual.....We are all the children of God; we were all born the same way.Why do we have to be treated any different???We are all human beings, we are all living in the same world, and we all have 2 eyes, 2 arms, 2 legs and 1 heart. why can't people just use that last one for once and start looking at us as persons and not as gender or anything else to that matter....I want to grow up in a world where I can go up to a person and just say "hi I’m a bisexual" without being "destroyed" by the looks, the words and all the rest....

BI and proud

J ai juste ces qlqs mots pour me soutenir pour m aider à rester pied sur terre. Ces qlq mots, j’y tiens férocement! Je ne veux pas les redonner pour une autre…
Et la tu viens, toute parfaite que tu es, pour me les enlever, me les demander… et je te les donne sans y penser… ta voix sensuelle, ton corps érotique, ta douceur irrésistible et ta pudeur enfantine…
Comment te résister… comment te laisser partir… comment ne pas te saisir tant que je le peux?
D’ou est ce que tu es venue? Je n’t’avais même pas vu apparaitre… juste me prendre mon souffle a première vue…
Et comment croire a qlq chose aussi magnifique et mystérieux que toi? Tes mots?
Ah ta voix… ce qu’elle me fait…
Tu m’emporte dans un autre monde… j’attends avec impatiente chaque fois que je te rencontre… cette rencontre fugitive ou te me délaisse de tout mes chagrins et c’est juste toi et moi, la en ce moment, personne d’autre… juste nous deux…
Ces histoires ne se passent que dans les contes fantastiques! Deux regards qui se rencontrent et voila… c’est le début d’une histoire incomparable, une aventure légendaire, une expérience incroyable… j’en suis sur que ce serait une danse a ne pas oublier…
Je ne peux pas m’en passer… je ne peux pas m’en lasser….
Je n’arrête pas de me rappeler cette scène…cette scène dans l’arrière plan… parce qu’en effet, tout ce dont je me rappelle ceux sont tes lèvres, ton parfum, tes mains si acharnées, ton corps réponds au mien… et tes soupirs… tes soupirs me tuent…. M’hypnotisent… j’en hallucine!
Ton aura mystérieuse m’intrigue. Je veux te connaitre, je veux mémoriser tes expressions, je veux te bercer la nuit, te parler pour des heures durant… je veux que te me redonne vie, que tu souffle dans mon cœur devenu froid… je veux que tu me déracine de ce cercle vicieux et que tu m’emporte la ou on est bien ensemble… toi et moi…
Une histoire inconçue… une histoire imprévue...
Une joie qui tape a notre porte…

Kim

وهكذا تبدأ قصة حبٍ
بأملٍ جامحٍ يعشق الجنون
تسافر الأحلام على ظهر الغيوم
وتغرق العيون ببحر العيون
والقلب يدق والروح تحوم
والجسد يرقص رقصة النسور
وتدق ساعة النصر المحتوم
ويغرق القلب والروح الحنون
بمشاكل الحب والقهر المظلوم
فقصة العشق ما هي تدوم
إلا بموت الأحباب تكون
لكن الحب دوماً يكون
نسراً يحلق فوق النجوم
وقمراً يضيء أضواء العيون
والجسد إن مات
القلب يدوم
والحب في القلب دائماً مسكون

T.N.T

if i try and tell you i'll make it better for you
if i promise you i won't hold you back
if i do everything i can to set you free while you're with me
if i cuddle and snuggle and take care of you
if i play with your hair and drown in you eyesif i tell you how gorgeous you are
if i honestly tell you i want you in my life
if i nurse and cradle youif i kiss you gently to sleep
if i tuck you in my arms so warmif i hold you so tight and protect you
if i promise to be there for you whenever...
if i promise i'll love you
if i promise i'll hold you
if i promise to give you anything i can give you without asking you to stay or waiting for anything in return...
if i promise i'll set you free whenever you can't stay anymore...
if i promise i'll love you just as long as i can stay...
will that be enough?!

kim

En temps que femme homosexuelle qui vit au Liban, je sens le besoin de toujours devoir prouver à mon entourage que j’ai, en effet, des valeurs, de la croyance et des traditions.
C’est un peu marrant de commencer avec cette traduction. Malheureusement, c’est une vérité absolue.
Moi je me considère une personne qui s’assume pleinement et qui marche la tête haute sans nul besoin de présenter des arguments et des explications. Et pourtant, au sein de la société, je me trouve parfois en train de présenter des raisons, des moyens, des explications et parfois même, je me trouve au beau milieu d’un débat anarchique juste parce qu’on m’a demande « croyez-vous qu’un mariage peut être solide après 20 ans ensemble? »
Permettez-moi d’être encore plus claire :
Nous avons, étant une minorité au Liban, un besoin continuel d’assurer aux gens qu’on est normal ! Donc même lorsqu’on nous demande la plus simple des questions, on se trouve perdus, peureux de répondre par quelque chose qui pourra divulguer notre identité sexuelle.
Ca devient un peu fatiguant en fin de compte de sentir le besoin de toujours cacher une identité personnelle qui en fait n’a rien à voir avec personne !
Deux sujets se trouvent ouvertement questionnes : religions et drogues.
Commençons par le sujet de la religion. Combien de fois j’avais entendu des gens affirmer que les homosexuels sont en fait des athées. Nous devons comprendre qu’aujourd’hui, la société libanaise trouve un peu de difficultés à accepter la communauté homo. Et ne pouvant pas trouver des raisons logiques pour nous battre, elle utilise l’argument de la religion comme dernière ressource. Mais, ce qui est assez surprenant, que mes amis sont en effets des plus croyants. Que ca soit musulmans ou chrétiens. Quand ca revient à la religion on ne peut pas trouver de plus solide croyance. En vrai, ils puisent leur acharnement spirituel du fait que les religions ont toutes pour un seul but célébrer l’amour, le pardon et la tolérance. Et de ce fait, ils se trouvent enracines dans leurs croyances puisqu’ils la sentent du fond de leurs cœurs. Ils sont en train de vivre les leçons dictées par leurs livres saints chaque jour !
Quant à la drogue, il existe ce préjudice que les homosexuels, en général, ont une tendance à s’immerger dans la drogue. C’est comme s’il n’y avait que les homos qui se droguaient a cor et a cri ! Ce préconçu nous pousse a toujours apparaitre « clean », et tout faire en sorte de paraitre éveillé. Ce qui est absurde. Nous nous battons contre une guerre qui n’est pas la notre. Nous essayons de prouver une absence d’abus que d’autres éléments de la société n’ont pas à prouver. Qu’importe la société, la drogue est une tentation qui existe et que ca soit restreint - stéréo typiquement - aux homos est juste un essaie de pousser quiconque à ne pas « fréquenter ce milieu »
Il y a des gens de toutes sortes dans la vie. Quand ca revient a la religion et la drogue, cela n’est pas lié a l’orientation sexuelle de la personne. C’est un choix, une décision, une éthique personnelle.

kim

.ها هي الدُنيا القهّارة، الجبَّارة، القاسية، وهذا هو حظي
لم أكُن أتوقَّع في يومٍ من الأيَّام أنَّ حُبّي أو حَبيبَتي وقَلبي وروحي، ستكون مِن تِلك الدولة الشقيقة، والحبيبة،

.والمَنكوبة فلسطين
.رأيت وعاشرت الكثير من الفتيات والشابات، ولم أشعُر بأي شيئ من الغرام أو الإحساس، أو الإنجذاب
.فإذا بيوم من الأيّام كنت خارج البلاد، وبالصُدفة تعَرَّفتُ هُناك على صديقات فلسطينيّات خلال ثلاثة أيّام

.في الحقيقة لم أكن أعرِف من قبل صديقات مِثلَهُنَّ بِطيبَتِهَم، وأصبَحنا أعَز الأصدِقاء
ومَن بينَهُم كانَ هُناك شابَّه، ولم أعرِف كيف إنجذبنا إلى بعضِنا. تَعلَّقنا ببعض كثيراً، ولكن في النهاية إنتَهى السَفر

.وعادت كُل مِنّا الى وطَنِها الحبيب

ولَم يكُن هُناك أي وسيلة تواصُل بينَنا إلّا الإنتِرنِت والتي باتت وسيلَتَنا الوحيدة بسَبب الظُروف السِياسِيَّة، وتَعارَفَ الأهل

.على بعضِهِم البَعض

حضراتَنا مُتقارِبة، فكُّلُّنا عرب، قضِيَّةٌ واحِدة هي القضِيَّة الفَلَسطينَيَّة. وأنا جنوبيَّة، مُعانات ومَأسات إاحساس واحِد زاد

.التعَلُّق والحُب بيننا
مضَت أيَّام لم نكُن نرى بعضَنا البعض شخصِيّاً، وإلاشتياق زاد وبدأنا نُحِب بعض أكثَر حتّي أصبَحنا حبيبتان نُريد أن

.نرى بعض شخصَيّاً

المُؤثِّر أكثر هو أنّي جنوبيَّة وهي من شمال فلسطين، مسافتنا ساعة فقط لا أكثَر، ولا نقدِر أن نرى بعض بسَبب الظُروف السياسيَّة والاحتلال الإسرائيلي. والحسرة أنّنا سنضطر للسفر إلى إحدى الدول الخارجيّة لنلتقي. واللّه لا أُريد أن أراها

.للجنس، بل ٍواللّه حتّى أحضُنها وأُقبِّلها وأضعها في حُضني، وأُعطيها الحنان، ونشكي لبعض
.أُحِبُّ روحها، إنّها أرواح إلتَقت
.هذه هي حبيبتي من النظره الأولى. الشيء الوحيد الذي أراه هو فلسطين وحبيبتي وأصدقائُنا الذين كانوا معَنا
.ها هي قصّتي وحُبّي الكئيب وأتمنّى الخير واللّقاء القريب

جنوبيّه

I am very happy
I am no longer moody

I said goodbye to my depression
And I welcomed my happiness

After 22 years of depression
Not even knowing the newest fashion

Sitting in my bedroom crying
Waiting for the moment I’ll be dying

Enough, I don’t want to remember these miserable memories
From now on, I want to be at ease

Fulfilling my life with joy
And to the maximum my life to enjoy

With my awesome friends
Holding each others hands

Supporting each others
As brothers and sisters

No matter what the situation is
We should overcome these crises

By love & passion
Taking our decision

DOUDZ

I use my key to enter
Then close the door behind me
I run upstairs to my room
To enjoy some privacy

I change my clothes
And leave the stashed pile
Before all of that mess
Is a glimpse of a smile

I put on a black hoodie
Off to the streets i march
With protesting friends
Until we reach the arch

We cross every bridge
Then climb up the mountain
We stand tall at its top
At the prime of the season

The change we demand
Starts in every one of us
Leaving the past behind
As we unite for a cause

TRU

I adore each smile in you
And all what you do

I adore the way you look at me
And your way you say things to me

I adore your power
To stop my suffer

I adore the moment we sit together
Being mad of the time we will no longer last together

I adore your power to change me
Proving me how much you care about me

I adore that you go into my mind
When I was blind

I adore that I no longer fear you
Vise versa trying to be closer is all what I do

I adore that inside you I found safety
And the moment I felt you inside me

I adore you for ever
What so ever

DOUDZ

A beautiful name given to a beautiful lady .. or has it become of such beauty because of its owner's majesty? .. i sit and wonder what you see in me .. i can't put my finger on anything .. i tend to be possessive and angry .. and you still love me in spite of everything .. words don't do my love justice .. you are my crime's accomplice .. your eyes shine the moment they meet mine .. while i blush and look away .. that exact moment galaxies align .. and a melody they start to play .. you are a part of a song .. the part that makes it stand strong .. these words are familiar to your ear .. yet they only express a small piece of my heart .. for by no other means i can make clear .. how much i love you and how i will not let us fall apart ...... You are the melody in my life .. the light that shines through the dark .. you are what makes waking up worth the trouble .. you are the one unregrettable .. you are my heartbeat .. noone else makes my heart sing .. you make me jump out of my seat .. you are simply the one, the one wearing my ring ............

TRU

لا تقتلي قلباً أحبك كالمجنون
وتلقي روحاً تجاوزت لأجلك كل الظنون
فالحب ماهو لعبةٌ رابحٌ فيها أو مهزوم
الحب قلبٌ تملؤه المشاعر والجنون
إن كان بيدك إحرسيه بالعيون
وإن أضعته ستبكي عليه ليالٍ وشهور
لا تتركي قلباً عاش لأجلك كل العهود
من نظرةٍ أولى أشعل قلبك بنارٍ حنون
ولا تطعني قلباً بخنجر تنزف منه السموم
فالحب أسمى من أن يجرح
أو يقهر بألمٍ مسكون
وإن كانت لديك فرصة لا تتركي الباب مقفول
فالحب إن طرق بابك
سوف تعيشي في القصور وقصة حبٍ سوف تنشر
عن حبٍ عاش ولن يزول

T.N.T

I wanted to tell her. It's the deepest pit you could ever get into.
But- It's full of sparkling little bits that you may never wanna get out.

It touches your weakest and softest spots.
But- You do live strong, together.


It's not a test. Or a challenge. Or a personal training course.
It's like Life, you don't know what it is, but you know what it's not.


& You naturally love it & protect it & help it grow.
Without questioning its source, essence, or destination.


It becomes your mini-God to worship & thank every moment of your life.

& You breathe it, pray for it, and survive it simply because it IS. & It will always be.


But I didn't tell her. They either know it already, deep inside, or they never will.

I can still see her eyes, when I close mine
I can still hear her voice, and it makes me smile.
I can still feel her heart beat, its music to my ear
I can still remember that laugh, it’s all I hear.
Do you still remember our first kiss?
We were young and drunk
Your lips, oh how much I miss
We were scattered on the bed
The deepest core you hit
Oh God! I can’t take it of my head.
I can still remember that night
My body was your pleasure
Your heart is my treasure
And my feelings to you, something I can never measure

JO.D

وها نحن نقف وقفة عزٍ صامدين
أيادينا متشابكة كحصنٍ لم يشهده التاريخ
قلوبنا مليئةٌ بحبٍ في قلبٍ يسكنه الجنون
وقضيةٌ في عروقنا تسير
والروح قضيتها التغيير
بأملٍ شاسِع نصرُخ
وقوة العزم تشير إلى حلم يعيشه مجتمعٍ جميل
مجتمعٌ له سكنٌ له حلمٌ له حبٌ وتقدير
تحت سقف بيتٍ صغير تجتمع الاف القلوب
وأياديها متشابكه تصرخ نريد التغيير
نريد حق قلبٍ يدق بحبٍ أخر مثيل
وعائلةٌ لها حقٌ بالعيش بلا خوفٍ من التهجير
بالعيش في بلدٍ لا يرفض إختلافاً ضئيل

T.N.T

يقولون مرحلةً هي حياتنا
خيالٌ نعيشه منذ الصِغَر
عائلةٌ سبَّبَت مصيرَنا
وأن بهذا مرَض
يُشبِّهوننا بمخلوقاتٍ حيوانيه
ونُعتبر أنَّنا خَلَل
عِلاجاتٌ يحضرون
كأَّننا فأر تجارِب نَقبَع
أضحى حُبَّنا ليس بِحُب
إنَّمَا هو خطيئة قَدر
ولو أنَّهُم يسمعون لفهِموا اَّنَّنا بَشر
فالقلب بداخِلِنا يَقبع
والروح في داخِلنا تعيش
مِثلهُم لدينا جَسَد يحتوي على قلبٍ وروح
والوجَع في داخِلِنا يعيش
وُرغم ذلك نرفُض التَفريق
نُحارِب بسلاح الكِلمَة
والكلمة هي المصير

T.N.T

مِن هُنا، مِن كُل مكان، مِن كُل فردٍ فينا، كُلُّنا نُريد التغيير. نسعى إلى ما هُو أفضل، نبني آمالاً ونضع خُططاً لِخطواتِنا. ولكِن مكانٌ واحِد يجمعُنا جميعاً، فإنّنا نُخطِّط ونَرسُم أهدافَنا ونُخاطِر، نَقطَع حُدود المَقبول ونَسعى إلى ألأفضَل. وفي كُلِّ يَومٍ جَديد، لَدينا حَق الإختِيار، إنَّما نُكمِل طَريقَنا مَهما كانَت صعبَة و وعِرَة وخَطِرة، وإنَّما نَستَسلِم ونَجعَل حَياتَنا مُسيَّرة. فهَيَّا بِنا نُخاطِر ونُقاوِم كُل الصُعوبات ونُعطي أفضَل ما لَدينا ونَرسُم قَدَرَنا بِأيدينا، ونَقِف وقفةً واحِدَة، ونَجمَع أحلامَنا وآمالَنا ونُحَقِّق ما لَدينا مِن أجلِنا ومِن أجلِ مَن يَأتي مِن بَعدِنا

T.N.T

by Ahmad.

Sigmund Freud was an Austrian doctor of psychiatry and the father of the psychoanalytic school of psychology. Freud has so many known theories discussing the unconsciousness, the defense mechanism, the clinical dialogue between patient and psychoanalyst, and most importantly sexual desire. He redefined sexual desire as the main stimulating energy for humans, and he talked about its importance. On the same issue of sexual desire, Freud also talked about homosexuality and how it’s acquired. He said that all humans are born bisexuals and then they turn out to be either homosexuals or heterosexuals according to their incidents with family and friends. Also, he spoke about treating homosexuality. In my opinion what Freud said is mostly wrong in many cases because of the many researches lately done on homosexuality and the impossibility of its treatment, and because of many examples of Homosexual people who didn’t have any incidents – like those mentioned by Freud- with their families.

Freud - Exploring the unconscious mind
by One By RM

Despite all that, Freud didn’t consider homosexuality as a mental disease, because he assumed that all people are born bisexual. And as a result of the person’s past experience with his family and environment, one becomes homosexual or heterosexual. Few hypotheses, describing the experiences of a person with his family, are derived from the assumptions of Freud. One of them is the relationship the son had with his father in his early childhood, saying that a bad or modest relationship will slow down the son’s super ego growth which will most likely make him homosexual. On the other hand, he also claims that a strong father-son relationship will also make his sexual desires towards his mother stronger, thus making him less likely to become a homosexual. On another level, Freud spoke indirectly and directly about the treatment of homosexuality. He spoke indirectly about it when Paul Robinson, in “Homosexuality and Psychoanalysis” said that Freud said that homosexuality is “made rather than born”, thus giving the possibility for homosexuals to be “unmade”, meaning by that to turn them heterosexual. He talked about curing Homosexuals directly in the now-famous letter to an American mother on April 9, 1935, where he told her that even though homosexuality is “nothing to be ashamed of”, but if she wants help he can help her son without promising her any success. He said that if by helping her she means eliminating “homosexuality and make normal heterosexuality take its place” – thus contradicting himself when he said heterosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of and that heterosexuality is normal and homosexuality is not- then he will try, giving examples of past experiences with his ex-homosexual patients who increased their heterosexual tendencies, found in every homosexual.

In my opinion, shared by many people, homosexual and heterosexual, Freud’s theories are wrong. According to Allan and Barbara Pease, in their book “Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps” in the 8th chapter which is all about Gays and Lesbians and transsexuals, homosexuality is INBORN and not a choice. First, they say that research shows that a fetus at first is a female. Then they talk about the hormones, saying that a male (XY) fetus starts receiving male hormones in great amount to make the testes and transform the female brain into a male one, but if insufficient amount of male hormone is received by the male, there’s a chance he will be born with a female brain structure and a male’s body and in that case there’s a chance he will grow up to be gay. In addition, Anne Moir, a geneticist, exposed her research’s outcome and she stated that “homosexuality is inborn, not a choice.” Moreover, her research showed that how and where we are raised “plays lesser role” in how we behave in society than what was previously thought, because what really plays that role is the “impact of male hormones on the brain”. As for the father- son relationship hypothesis, in the book they say that it was more likely to be believed that gay men were trying to fight back their fathers when they were boys and become gays to spite them, but researches showed that “there’s no scientific evidence to prove this theory”. Also, in their book they talked about the curing of homosexuality. They stated that professionals in the human sexuality approved that homosexuality is an “orientation and unchangeable”. They also talked about the ways of treatment used to hold back homosexual feelings, and they included “breast amputation, castration, drug therapy, uterus removal, frontal lobotomy, psychotherapy, electric shock therapy, prayer meetings, spiritual counseling and exorcism”, of which none has succeeded. Also on the topic of treating homosexuality, Null Hypothesis - online journal – states that curing homosexuality “is at number four the top ten least ethical experiments” for the following reasons: treating homosexual people using electrodes and psychological abuse, injecting people with vomit-inducing drugs, zapping them with electricity while making them watch gay porn. That, according to Null Hypothesis – and to many gay and straight people-, is “Not so hot on the human rights.”

In the end, it’s needless to say that Freud is wrong about his hypothesis about homosexuality concerning the relationship between the father and the gay son, and concerning the treatment of homosexuals. And according to the recent and updated research, Homosexuality has different reasons than what was thought before and it’s not a disease to be cured. Eventually I hope that people will become more aware that homosexuality has nothing to do with parenting and more with what God want when we are born

مدونة فيا صور لبعض المثليات عم يتجوّزوا: أفراح مثلية... كتير سلبة. شكراً مثلية فقط

Six of the eight men convicted of child abuse offences in a Scottish paedophile ring have received jail sentences.

The other two men, one of whom was a gay rights campaigner, are to be sentenced at a later date.

Source: Six men jailed over Scottish paedophile ring by Jessica Geen for PinkNews.co.uk.



A network of "professional" pedophiles, who molest children (actually babies) has been detected in Scotland. The reason PinkNews would write about such an incident is that one of the offenders is a Gay man.

In a country like Lebanon, such a connection would be done automatically. After all, the anti-gay law in Lebanon, in theory, lumps homosexuals with pedophiles and individuals who perform sexual acts with animals. And of course Transsexuals are lumped into the group also as they are not recognized for who they are.

But reading such an article in a non-Middle Eastern article was surprising. In fact, we put so much effort in cleaning our image in a repressive main society that refuses to admit us as "normal" citizens, that we often make a conscious effort to deny such stories.

We have become so terrified and scared of this constant accusation of perversion and pedophilia that we immediately turn our backs and ignore it. On ILGA's What we do page. They actually state that:

LGA is committed to the fight against paedophilia.

It's kind of saddening that we constantly have to defend who we are against empty, clearly irrelevant accusations. But it is a sad stigma that we just have to fight, by staring it in the face. We are Queer and just because you think we are sick that doesn't make us so.

Read again the PinkNews article. Out of all the convicted men there were one Homosexual! So if we take the famous 10% Gays out of the general population that means that the percentage of Gay in this case is roughly equal to the general population. And yes they are arrested and put to jail, just like everyone else. And that is exactly what we want.

Pazuzu

As we are sitting here, waiting for everyone to sit in their places, excitement is unbelievable. The theater is almost full and you can almost hear all the heartbeats.
And then at 6:12 exactly, total silence. Everyone is watching the book's teaser.
At the end when they say "wisil l bareed... wa akhiran" Everyone claps , nadz on stage, again more clapping that wouldn't allow Nadine to start talking.
One thing is obvious, Nadine can hardly speak.
Why they wrote this book? Because there are programs like "a7mar bl khat l 3areed", because people look at
If you look at elections you will find is stupid, filled with old men that dont look like us! (applause)
Why we want to launch this book? To change the elections, to change the political cast so that they look at us.
The revolution...
The revolution has started through us.
We want to gather all the gay individuals so they become a political force.

And now a word from the Heinrich Boel... What's interesting is that, according to heinrich boell, this is one of the biggest project funded by heinrich boell so far. As a women's rights' project.

And now, to great applause Nadine presents Lina, who has accepted to read the stories in English.
And now... Bareed mista3jil!

Killon aloule ou3a, ou3a! ou3a tkhabre immik, baddik zghire. Bas ana ma 2dirt, fa mn ba3d ma 3milt l coming out la 7ale khabbaret imme. Kint ma3jou2a ktir w khaffi2 ktir. Imme dallit rey2a, w bl ekher alitle: ana rabbaytik sa7. Ma 3rift shou ifham.
Ba3d fatra
Ken hamma ma khabber l nes, mish la2anno mist7iyye, bas la2anno ni7na mn day3a zghire bl shmel w khefet iza 7ada 3irif l kil bya3ref.
Imme misilme mitdayne, Ktir mitdayne! w heyda lli se3ada ti2balne, la2ano bitsalem kil shi la alla.
W ba3d fatra khabaret bayye, w ken 3indo nafs raddet l fi3l, mitl ma alla birid, iza baddo titghayyare, btitghayyare.

Bisma3 ktir inti2adet inno ana misliye w m7ajabe, bas ana mitmaske bi dine w imene, khsouse l imen yalle khalla ahle yi2baloune.
Ktir nes bitfakker inno l deen i isleme aktar l adyen lli bithejem l mithliyyeen. l deen l isleme aseso i7tiram kil insen....



My mother still thinks that I am gay because my father died. My father died when I was 13, I didn't cry, I wanted to but I couldnt. Everyone was teling me I was supposed to ve strong. Suddenly, it became acceptable for me to be boyish. You could say I was happy to be seen that way. But there was always a thin line, I can have a boyish caracter but I cant love a girl. I was expected to switch back to feminity. I didn't,
Women are strong too! But at least they accept me. I wonder how everything would have been different if my father died. I know my family wouldn't accepted me as they do now. I was feeling guilty for taking advantage of his death.
13 years later I went through a very difficult break up and for the first

Ana mit7awwel l jins (transsexual). Ktashafet inno fiyye fi shi ghalat, kint deyman 7is inno 7asseyt fi shi ghalat. Ahle labbasoune fistan w 7ala2. Ahli ma edro yefhamo wad3i. Sammet 7ali Charbel 3a 3omr el 9 sneen. Harrabet 3ala 3omr el 14. Shtaghalet bi el-Batroun. 3ala 3omr el 19 harrabet 3an jdid, w seret fatesh 3a 7okama la te7weeel el jens. Men kam sene ballashet bel 3amaliyet. Seret 2ati3 nos el meshwar, ba3d 3andi 3amaliyten. Ra7 oussal, walla marra shaket bel ammer. Baddi esta2er bi lebnen, hayda baladi. Lebnen baladi kamen. Ana benet t7awallet la shab, ma 7ada byesma3 fina. Ana akid ino ossiti mekhtelfi men Boys dont Cry niheyeta. W halla2 saret mawjoudi lal 3alam te2riya.

Labels labels. Bisexual. Straight. Gay. I needed to define myself, understand myself. I dated when I was 13 and I was constantly comparing my results with other girls, and I was doing well. Then I met the girl that changed my life. The first time I saw her, at first she didn't look like a girl. I asked if she was a girl and I asked a friend if she's a girl: "Ekh, mish mbayyan", and my reply was "bit3a22ed". And then I waited till I could speak to her and I asked her for her number under the pretext of joining whatever team she was in. We became "best friends"... Then out of the blue she told me she was gay... and in love with me. I hysterically laughed to buy myself some time and gave vague answers. Then a month later, we had kissed and made love. So I broke up with my bf and saw
"Heyda byithayyaj 3a kil shi" said a gay friend. I struggled to come out as bi- to my gay friends more than my straight friends.
I am, just like you, looking for the love of my life, the only difference is that they might turn out to be any gender

Heyde manna awlawiyye ken kil li shakhs byishtighl 3a 72oo2 l insen. Lamma minshouf kil mseebe kenet t2ille rfee2te inno fi ktir kaweres bhal dine wlli byishtighlo 3a 72oo2 l mithliyyeen aneniye.
t3ibt 7s bl zanb. Ana kbirt bl 7arb l ahliyye. Ana kint hon lamma ma 3ed ma3na masare. Ba3rf inno ile 7a2 inno koon mi7miyye bas bistaghne 3an kil hal 72oo2 kirmel l 7a2 inno oul la imme inno ana mithliye.
Shou bfaddel wejeh? l 7arb walla riheb l mithliyye? Ana bfaddel l 7arb.
ghalat inno y2oulo inno l mithliyeen 3indon 72oo2on. Ghalat, hawde akaliyye mn dimn l moujtama3 l mithli.
72oo2 l insen mitrabta, 72oo2 l mithliyyeen hiyye 72oo2 l insen.

A multi-national Baltic Pride organized in Riga, Latvia. The event was organized by Latvian organization Mozaika, the Lithuanian Gay League, and Estonian Gay Youth, in spite of movements to Ban it and a simultaneous anti-gay protest.
>Baltic Pride is a new concept in the world of LGBT activism, whether on the organizational level or the date chosen for the Baltic "pride".The event took place from the 14th to the 17th on May 2009, which coincides with the week of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO) whereas Pride weeks usually take place in the month of June.

But the choice of date was not the only unusual thing about the Baltic Pride. The event was not just a national event. It was organized by a result of the cooperation between three Baltic nations - Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania - the deal being that for the upcoming three years Baltic Pride will be organized in one of the Baltic countries mentioned above.

This year the event was organized in Riga, Latvia. Having acquired permission from Riga City Council – Commission on Meetings, Marches and Demonstrations - on May 8, organizers started preparations, established their website (www.balticpride.eu) and started spreading the word.
On the 13th of May however, a majority of Riga’s City Council members signed an open letter to the Executive Director of the city council to revoke the permission and threatening to overrule the decision through voting.

The European legislation protects individuals' and groups' right to assembly and expression of identity. Human rights and the Lebanese law, in theory fulfill the same role. So building on that right, the organizers refused to give in to the decision and made an injunction to the court and were granted a hearing on Friday at the Municipal Court overturning the decision to ban the march.

In parallel, Baltic Pride mobilized regional and international media and authorities to pressure the Riga City Council. Amnesty International (has covered the event when it was threatened, banned then when it got the green light and finally the event course), Ilga-Europe )Covered the whole event extensively), The Baltic Course (with one article)etc.

Ilke Jaspers is a young Belgian LGBTQ activist that has recently moved to Estonia to dedicate the next couple of years to LGBTQ activism. Building on a friendship that was born on Berlin Pride 2008, I asked Ilke about Baltic Pride and her feelings about it. About the legal victory she said “this could only happen because it was allowed in the end to march”.

But the march itself was a challenge with homophobes rallying for a counter march to, but the Police was deployed in force and prevented any incident. The issue was that the Riga City Council argued that it would not be safe to allow such a demonstration, “it [police protection] was needed, the event and march ended being totally safe but not because there weren’t people around us who were aggressive. The opposite is true, it was full of anti-protesters shouting, giving us the finger, showing those weird signs like “gay =AIDS” and the “more gays, the less Latvians”” said Ilke.

In the end, if we were to take any lesson from the Baltic Pride's success then that lesson would be "networking, lobbying and your rights". Baltic Pride is the little baby of a networking effort between three Baltic countries. It was protected by the strong lobbying with several international human rights and LGBTQ rights organization. And last but not least, Baltic Pride had the right to exist and they refused to give up that right.

As for the future, it seems bright according to Ilke “I am only hopeful for the future, I sincerely believe it will get better every year”. In 2010, Baltic Pride will be in Vilnius, Lithuania and 2011 in Tartu, Estonia. Congratulations to the Baltic Pride organizers.

Pazuzu

Today is IDAHO, the international day against homophobia 2009. Today is the day we commemorate the victims of homophobia, transphobia and xenophobia in general. Today is the day we remember that we are oppressed.
Not that we are ever granted the luxury of forgetting that we are opressed, not that we are ever granted the pleasure of not being a prosecuted minority. No, ya reit. In fact what happens is that we try to ignore it most of the time, we close ourselves up in our community that we forget the pressure, or at least pretend to forget it. But then life bites us in the ass and we are reminded that we are not meant to exist. It is just enough to take a quick look at the world around us to remember where we belong.

Go to California where Harvey Milk was murdered over 2 decades ago, California, the GAY CAPITAL of the world and look at the prop 8. Look at A7mar bl Khat l 3areed. Look at the beautiful initiative of the Baltic Pride and how it was being sabotaged. Look back at Ebru's murder and finally the barbaric attack on gay men in Sassine.

You look at all that and you think to yourself: What the hell are we fighting for? It's feels overwhelming sometimes that we would have to fight this much for the simplest of rights, that on may 2009, homophobia is still the norm and we are still the criminals just because we are true to ourselves. May 2009 and we are still struggling to fight homophobia, shameful don't you think?

But then again, if you look closely at our tiny little world there is so much more than the homophobia, to every act of homophobia there is and will always be even greater acts of LGBT resistance, to every aggression there will be reactions.
Afterall, they killed Harvey Milk but soon Milk will take over the 22nd of May, it will be the "Harvey Milk Day". Prop8 may have passed but there will always people rebels like Melissa Etheridge that will put her money where her mouth is and that knows what she is giving to society. Yimkin there will always be programs like A7mar bil Khat and there will always be violence, because they just don't understand us, but there will always be demonstrations to tell them that we are willing to be peaceful but we will not be passive!

Pazuzu

Walking down the street people stare
That's how it feels like to be gay

Your moves are watched by strangers
When people see you they see danger

You talk to a guy you are drifting
Turn to a girl and you're sinning

You live your heart on a sleeve
Wish you could pack and leave

A sparkle shines in your eye
Every time you see her smile

You see in her heart and soul
Quietly quite deep you did fall

They glance and glare at you two
You have turned them red and blue

Holding her hand softly you whisper
How you want her as lifelong partner

Looks and gossips will always follow
A gay woman who of love won't let go

~~Tru Natty~~

A 9 years old boy cries *ana maneh loteh* as I was walking down the street of my house the other day. A bunch of kids about 8 to 11 years old were playing, and one of them yelled "yali bye5sar bkooon lot" I heard this word and wasn’t able to stop myself from watching. After they played and finished one of the boys looses so everyone was yelling "LOTeh-LOTeh"! The boy began crying and hitting them and screaming *mani loteh-maneh loteh* and everyone was just pointing at him and laughing.

I stopped thinking at this moment, I felt bad, I felt disgusted, even though they were kids , they do not even know what LOTEH means but what if one of them was really one, maybe one of them had a brother that was a LOTEH

Its just so sick to see how the minds of parents and the ignorance of people are reflecting on their children, the only thing that I thought of that moment was 3ayb!

Another day, I was going to the university, I took the bus and I already was having a bad morning when 2 girls got on the bus and sat behind me, all the way they were talking about how their friend is such a looser and they hate her so much, I was having a terrible headache and the last thing I needed was some stupid girls gossiping.

Suddenly the girl said YII ma 3rfty shu sar ?!? There is this girl bil jam3a ikhta la midre meen is sending messages to a girl telling her I missed u and I cant wait to see u and m thinking about u (with the surprising bitchy loud tune) SHAKLA HAY SOHAKYEE! So her friend was like yakkkkkkk she loves girls tfeeeeeh 3laya ,ya 3yb il shoom wa they began talking and talking, at this moment all the tension I was feeling since morning vanished and I just wanted to slap the girls behind me! I didn’t say a word and kept listening while loosing my mind and temper, so one of them said *ana bfarjya badi ifdaha bil jam3a wa farji her messages to the students* so that no one talks to her ever again I wanna ruin her life because MANA MRABAYEE!

There were 14 people in the bus and a guy was sitting beside me, I didn’t know what to say but I knew that this kind of people should be thrown in mental hospitals cus they represent nothing but sickness! I got to my destination and looked behind before getting down and all what I said is *HARAM U NEED THERAPY*.

I couldn’t stop thinking all day about what happened. How shameful and how lame people look at things, they teach children to hate the enemy and fight for their countries, they teach them to go to schools and universities, but what a fucked up mind when u don’t teach them how to accept each other!

So LOTEH saret msabbe!! OR i'll fuck up her life cus shes a SOHAKYA!

Is this what children are learning in our country today ?!?

|R|

It is the 28th of April, the Freethought Society at AUB are having a panel discussion about Dispelling Myths and Presenting the Facts of Homosexuality as I write this. Speakers include Ghassan Makarem from Helem, Dr. Tima Al-Jamil from the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, and Dr. Richard Dean from the Department of Philosophy, Richard Dean from the Philosophy Department, Joshua Anderson from the Philosophy Department and Rita el-Haddad, MA student from the Psychology Department.

Structure: Each speaker will say a few things, then the floor would be open for comments and questions.

Rita el-Haddad

Was a homophobe, till the age of 19, taught that homosexuality was abnormal. She didn't feel she had to right to question authority. Did not know anyone who was gay, only exposed through media. At the age of 19, people she had known had come out to her, thus shattering her previous beliefs. An ethics course shattered the idea that homosexuality is unnatural. In an abnormal psychology course, she learned that homosexuality is not abnormal through the definition of normality. It is important to question authority, it is important to look things up and bother. To dispel myths we may have, we should challenge our beliefs.

Richard Dean

Will contribute through problematic arguments usually used:
- homosexuality is unnatural: it is not clear what "natural" means - it is very vague. Even if turns out to be unnatural it doesn't prove that it is wrong.
- homosexuality is wrong because if everyone were homosexual the human race would become extinct: this isn't a danger, we only got 8 billion left, so it isn't a convincing argument.
- argument associated with religion: if you say, "of course religions are opposed to homosexuality" it is not quite right. Check Hinduism and branches of Christianity who do not think homosexuality is wrong. Some Baptist churches now ordain gay ministers, etc. There's two different views about what religion could give us about morality. God gave humans the power of thinking, so we should be able to come to conclusions. Another view says that God tells us what to do, and maybe there are a few experts that we may listen to. Whatever is revealed should be discussed and interpreted without

Tima Al-Jamil

We must begin to think about these issues and talk about them. It has been discussed for centuries in other places in the world so there is so much diversity when it comes to the discourse ... Having said that, the idea of homosexuality has shifted from being a sin, deviance, pathology, a behavior. There is so much more on homophobia then on homosexuality when it comes to research. People want to understand why homophobes are homophobes rather than why homos are homos.
Facts:
- discussion begins in the 1800s through case studies with patients with pathological backgrounds
- no consistent evidence in pathological patterns that CAUSE homosexuality
- one consistent pattern: homosexuals have recorded since childhood, the age of 10, that they have felt different and have engaged in gender non-conformed behavior
- There are genetic and hormonal influences, neuro-psychologists have noticed a different

Freud by the end of his life said that homosexuality is not a psychological issue. Studies have correlated distress with experiences of stigma, etc. We define abnormality with distress, dysfunction and danger (to self and others)

Treatment has failed to "treat" patients and reverse their sexuality. 88% of a study have recorded no change in patients, for the rest, there's a decrease in homosexual BEHAVIOR but no increase in heterosexual desire.

Ghassan Makarem

Homosexuality in Lebanon:
-myth that there is tolerance
-myth that society is too conservative to accept homosexual acts/identity

in Helem, we noticed that there are different ways in looking at homosexuality. There is a relation with the education, the setting (urban: more likely to have a homosexual lifestyle). We do not know how people percieve homosexuality. There hasnt been any studies. Gays and Lesbians in Lebanon have it better here? Not entirely true. We have obstacles: article 534 criminalizes unnatural sexual intercourse. In some places used exclusively against gay men, less about gay women. At the end of 2002, they wanted to include lesbians in the penal code. It was stopped by a coalition of NGOs.Scientific evidence comes from Europe and the United States and they give false impressions. From the beginning at Helem, we made a decision that we are concerned with civic laws, we are not looking to reform any religion. We try not to deal with religious issues, but any reform should focus on civil law.

We look at how the state looks at homosexuals and whether there is any institutional discrimination against homosexuals. We have been working with various organizations in Lebanon, even though this article exists, Helem is in a coalition with the Ministry of Health and works with the Ministry of Public Affairs. We also work with the police on how gays and lesbians are treated.

Joshua Andresen

In the spirit of AUB's mission statement on diversity, tolerance and dialogue, we will take questions now.

question one: There is nothing scientific about homosexuality being okay, it was taken away from the medical ---- because of pressure of the gay lobby + and some animals eat their pheotus, does this mean we should do it?

Dr. Al-Jamil: the decision to remove homosexuality is based on arguments that were strong. Their homosexuality was not causing the three Ds. And thus they cannot "be treated" for being homosexuals. We have done more harm to our patients in trying to change their sexuality, we cause more distress.

Richard Dean: The argument is false, that

question two: if WHO and scientific research think that homosexuality is linked with diseases, do u think that it is acceptable for society to let homosexuals contribute to the decline of our society?

Dr. Al-Jamil: we have to find mediating factors that are mediating that relationship: acts of prejudice, discrimination ... I don't seem to be familiar with the studies that you are familiar with.

Public comment: May I suggest that in the future we may discuss homophobia as a disease

Question three: A friend told me that he doesn't have a problem with homosexuals as long as it's behind closed doors because he wouldn't know how to explain it to his son, that it's for pleasure, not for making babies. It got me thinking, To Helem, [something about sectarianism, her comment falajni]

About secterianism, Helem is a space where people come together ...

Dr. Al-Jamil: [...] studies show that children adopted in homosexual relations do not develop more homosexual tendencies than ones with heterosexual parents

Dr. Dean: [..] you wouldn't want to say if some situations create awkward moments for parents we should outlaw whatever.. we should find a balance...

Encore une page que l’on tourne,
Un reve qu’on descend,
Je m’en vais faire un tour,
Au cimetiere des sens.

Du bruit a se rendre sourd,
Des armes a s’y meprendre,
La violence de la houle
Qui vous glace le sang.

Le vent deporte de la foule
Des larmes de cendres,
Les discours voilent les doutes
Qui nous rassemblent.

Je tire sur le fil rouge,
Ca mord en dedans,
Des esprits qui cherchent leurs routes
Ou le mensonge est unique resident.

Encore une page tournee,
Sur une treve esperee,
Patience, l’horizon annonce
Au bout, une naissance.

for the past 16 years. i've been.

01 :^)
02 atheist.
03 distant.
04 existential.
05 fajj.
06 green.
07 indifferent.
08 lost.
09 lesbian.
10 okay.
11 rigid.
12 silent.
13 stable.
14 stalker.
15 systematic.
16 unexposed.
17 unoriented.
18 untouched.

i'm turning 18 soon. and i need you to know.

you have made me question everything i stand for.
my labels. my identity. my fake/inexistant emotions.
my soul. my mind. my body. my value. my past. my vision.

and i need to know. that.

none of it matters now. i'm free. not because i'm soon-to-be legal.
but because. YOU. touched. moved. exposed. the beauty. of the life. of the love.

inside of me.

~~Be3~~

Starting May 1st, marriage will no longer have genders in Sweden. The law was passed yesterday after 6 hours of discussion. This is not only a positive step for gays and Lesbians but also for transgendered individuals for example. Source: Sweden Legalizes Same Sex Marriage on Advocate.com

Now I won't say that I don't contradicting feelings about this. Marriage is not really what I dream to see in the whole world. I want us to re-think marriage and what it should mean.

But that's not the issue right now. The thing that got me really excited about this decision is that it is gender neutral. It is not a marriage for Gays and Lesbians. It is not a civil union. It is marriage, one, unified marriage, that involves consenting adults. They can be a homosexual, heterosexual, transsexual couple, or anything in between. It's just two people that agreed that they want to get married, to share something, or everything, or anything in between.

Now a friend of mine said something interesting when I told him about this news: They are trying to top the Gay prides and gay image thingies yalli 3am bi seero in other Europ. countries.

And he's right. At a certain moment anything can be used for publicity and competition. To be honest, that is the least of my worries. Our struggle for human dignity and unconditional respect is not commercial, it's a struggle for survival and basic human rights. We are proud people and no one should have the right to insult our pride. We are normal, with or without a paper, that allows us to be perceived as normal. We exist whether or not we have the right to live. We are a productive part of society, equally smart and equally productive to anyone else. That is why, we have a lot to give to this world, the more they give us the more society will improve, that is the message that some countries and companies are starting to pick up, and this is why homosexuality is so cool in some places. Simply because we have been marginalized for too long, we have always been cool they just never realized it before ;)

She took the breath out of me the minute I heard her voice
She made me realize how strong I am and how weak
She made me fall in love with her with no thinking
She ravaged my soul the second she said I love u

I missed her so much
She’s so away in another country
Waiting days and nights I pray god to get us back together
I miss my baby, the only girl that made me cry
The only girl that made me stay up all night needing her

I wanna dream about u even when ur asleep in my arms
I wanna hug u even if I’m hugging u
I wanna kiss u even when we kiss
I wanna die feeling all the love I have for u

I pray for time to pass so I could hold u once again
I’ll wait for u baby no matter how far u r,
I’ll wait for u baby no matter how hard it is
You are my faith… I love u so much

|R|

A story of love, activism, and polyester suits



It is 2:43 AM and the credits of the movie “Milk” are rolling up on my TV screen. I’m still recovering from the emotional typhoon that just hit me. The movie is both inspiring and enlightening. Director Gus Van Sant gives us a touching glimpse into the life of Harvey Milk (Sean Penn), ex insurance agent, legendary gay rights activist, who was a pioneer in the gay rights movement that began in the US in the 70’s. Sean Penn’s performance was breathtaking. He didn’t play Harvey Milk, he was Harvey Milk. Did anyone else get teary when he won the Oscar for Best Actor? I felt like we all won that day.
What’s interesting about this film is that it’s more than a historical narrative; it’s a human story showing the people behind the movement. Real people. Real lives.

The movie opens with real footage from the 60’s of brutal police crackdowns on gay nightclubs, with police beating people with their batons and hoarding them into vans like common criminals, many hiding their faces in shame. The scene could have easily been set in Beirut when police conducted “random” searches and arrests in Acid and BO. The only difference is that the scene in the movie was set in 1967, not 2001. So I figure we are only behind by about 30 years. Although watching the first Gay Pride parade of San Francisco did remind me of the anti-violence sit-in that took place last month in Sodeco Square, which I hope is the first of many. Is it too soon to start buying hers & hers wedding gifts (aka matching wrist cuffs)?

The year is 1970 and Harvey is on the New York subway platform stairs when he meets Scott Smith (James Franco) and after sharing that it was his 40th birthday he proceeds to makes out with Scott, a complete(ly cute) stranger. Well, in his defense, it was the 70’s and people were still buzzed from all the pot smoke still hovering in the air from the 60’s. So after Harvey and Scott enjoy Biblical birthday celebrations, they decide to move to San Francisco.

“40 years old and I haven’t done a thing that I’m proud of.” says Harvey to Scott. Apparently, the pioneer of the gay rights movement had a late start (really late). This just goes to show you, it is never too late to make a difference in this world.
Our heroes move to San Francisco where Milk opens a camera store in Castro Street, Castro Camera. Who knew that from that little camera shop in Castro Street, an unstoppable force would explode?
Besides Milk, the Castro was a very important character in the movie. It was a Mecca for gays and lesbians from all of the US to find acceptance, especially after Milk began his work there. The Castro was a working-class Irish neighborhood until the mid-1960s. It’s rumored that many gay servicemen from World War II settled in the Castro after they were discharged for being homosexuals the U.S. where they magically multiplied and took over San Francisco.

Just like Milk was the face of the male gay movement at the time, his new campaign manager Anne Kronenberg (Alison Pill), represented the women in the movement. Its funny how even gay men, who are marginalized themselves would turn around and do the same to the women fighting for equal rights. Even though Anne was ridiculed at first by Milk’s boy’s club campaign team, she definitely proved herself and accomplished things that none of them ever could. She was a driving force behind Milk’s win of that particular election.

My knowledge of historical movements is superficial at best but what MILK brought home for me was that anyone can fight for change, if they have enough conviction and passion for a cause. I mean this middle-aged guy came out of nowhere and created something out of nothing. Harvey Milk only began his activism at the age of 40, and lost the election for city supervisor like 3 times before he won, and lost the love of his life because of it. That really got me thinking the power of movements.

The movie established the importance of what movements like Helem and Meem are doing to make change. I mean, I always thought that our society would come around eventually. That there will come a time when all men and women will have equal civil rights, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or faith. That one day we will stop asking each other “min wein min Lebnen?” which translates to tell me where you are from so I can know which religious/political faith/platform you follow. But that’s another story for another post.

So going back to my previous calculation of 30 years, I predict that in 2038, the Muslim and Christian religious right of Lebanon will put forth a proposition to ban gay marriage (which was made legal in 2035). The proposition (let’s call it Prop 8) will pass bringing us all back to square one. I don’t mean to sound morbid or pessimistic, it’s just that it breaks my heart to see my own society turning against people who just want to love and live. I do see change happening, and not on its own. It’s happening because we are making it happen.

I believe we are the lucky ones. We have our work cut out for us and we have a base to build on, and we have unstoppable weapons in our arsenal. Young, passionate, beautiful, intelligent forces to reckoned with.

“I am not a candidate; I am part of a movement. The movement is the candidate. There is a difference. You don’t see it. But I do.” - Harvey Milk

Business Hippie

This post is courtesy of the blog: queeringyerevan.blogspot.com





Bashasha (left) and a friend.
Studio Shehreadze, Saida, LEbanon, late 1950s
Hashem el Maadi

copyright: Arab Image Foundation

"Films inspired the people a lot. They came to perform kissing in front of a camera. In a conservative society such as Saida (Sidon, Lebanon) people were willing to play the kiss between two people of the same sex, but very rarely between a man and a woman."

"Ֆիլմերը մարդկանց ոգեշնչում են։ Մարդիկ գալիս էին լուսանկարչական խցիկի առաջ համբուրվելու։ Սիդոնի նման պահպանողական հասարակության մեջ, նրանք պատրաստ էին "խաղալ" համբույր երկու անձանց միջև։ Սակայն միշտ համբուրվում էին նույն սեռի մարդիկ, ու երբեք՝ կին ու տղամարդ»։

Or may I call you “beautiful warriors”.. Because that’s who you really are in my eyes. When I look at you sisters, I see faces beyond beauty and intelligence, I see wisdom, I see strength, I see minds willing enough, powerful enough, enough to change the world.
I write to you today because I feel the same need to share my emotions with “soldiers” like myself, fighting the same battle and for the same matter, wanting to twist this bitter reality around.
This reality of intolerance, of hatred, of a blind society misled by its ignorance, too coward to even think of making one step towards change of any kind. I look at it and I feel sickened, and I’m full of disgust. I cannot believe how people are nurtured what to think, what to believe, what to tolerate and what to reject, what to love and what to hate. It’s got to a point where having our brains up in our skulls made no sense anymore, for there’ll always be someone or something thinking and planning the course of our lives for us. It’s either religions, or traditions, or archaic laws that have been there since 1960, etc. etc. This is how messed up our society is today.
And I wake up, everyday, in desperate need to twist these facts, and I say to myself “I must make a difference, I must conquer this screwed up maze!” But to do it, I had to set some things straight.
-1ST who am I? I’m a woman, I’m an LBTQ, I’m different and I’m proud. I’m strong beyond measures, I’m independent, and I have dreams, and I have rights.
-2nd what do I want? I want 200% approval that my demands are fair. And I want this government to start making laws to protect me and my rights. As a woman I want to be able to give my name to my child and not have to be tied up with a man’s name for as long as I live. I want to fight for my rights because I deserve them not because I want to be equal to men! Personally I don’t! I believe women are the most gorgeous creatures on earth and asking to be equal with any other creature is asking to be inferior! I love men, respect them, the universe was made of us both and needs us both, but I’m different and unique and I think as one of nature laws women and men can never be on the same level, thankfully. What I want is not charity, what I want belongs to me! As a lesbian/bisexual woman I want to be able to love, get married, raise children. I want to be able to make a family and if I don’t, I want to be respected for my choice. I’m sick of leading a double life and I want to be able to express myself freely without fearing getting kicked out of my house, expelled from school or university, and banned from society for who I am. I want to walk the streets and hold hands with the woman I love; I want to take her in my arms without having half the population stare at us with disgust, and the other half curse us with eternal damnation. I want religions to worry about their heavens and leave us the earth to try and transform it into a decent place for everyone.
-3rd what are my weapons? Yes, weapons. Because through the years I’ve come to realize that we’re at war ladies! Maybe not a war that includes rockets and guns but it’s certainly war for me. Call me revolutionary, call me extremist, I’ve already heard it from 3 psychiatrists anyway, but sometimes change requires a revolution. Of course being diplomatic is way better and much more reasonable. But haven’t we tried that already? And yet, for many out there, we’re still just a group of angry pervert women corrupting ethics and values! We are a threat to their morals, to their cultures and they will fight us with every possible way they have! It wouldn’t surprise me using holocausts against us to protect themselves from our destruction! They are even suggesting isolating us all in mental institutions for the damage we are causing to society! I think this is a cold war we’re dealing with, and I think our enemies are many. And our best strategy would be to know our enemies, know what to expect from them and be ready to face it. I also think we, as an LGBT community are being pushed to the limits, and sometimes I really want to break this silence that’s been breaking me for a while now, and kill the pricks who are calling us sick, disgusting, and perverts, who are holding our rights as hostages, and who are hitting us publically on the streets.
Sometimes I’m just too outraged and I want to take over the media, the streets, the government chambers and tell them that there is prejudice out there, that there are causes that deserve your attention besides your mediocre parties killing each other over power! And ignoring it is only leaving us no choice but finding our own ways to obtain what’s originally ours!
My weapons are my dreams, my weapons are my ambitions, my weapons are my friends, my education, my tolerance, my knowledge, my hope in a better future, and you, dear warriors.
Sometimes I’m just so filled with anger and despair, and today I’m 20 years old, I’m drawing my path in life and I’m scared as hell for my future as one of the LGBT’s in Lebanon and the Arab world. But fear generates power and I certainly don’t want to turn 50 and see young people fighting an unfinished fight that was one day my responsibility.
At last what I can say to those in charge of giving to us what actually belongs to us is that isolating us from our identities means taking everything away from us, and more importantly, preventing us from being who we are proud to be. Doing so you are leaving us no choice but to react. Then when we reach that level to which I think we are too close today. You really wouldn’t want to be messing with “angry women” who got nothing left to lose!
Thank you for this sweet space on this awesome place, and sorry for all the ranting!