i spend my nights sometimes wasting my time thinking about human nature: the basis of our existence, the nature of our behavior and our core values. And it makes me wonder, how did we get to a point where hurting the others was acceptable, natural and inevitable. We got to a point where we expect nothing more than the worst in people.
We’re always waiting for that moment where the other stabs us in the back holds us down or simply walk away in order to say: “Aha! I knew you were gonna hurt me!”
Why?! Why did we stop believing in people?! Why did we give up on each others?!
I look at myself now and I wonder who my real friends are?! What is a friend by definition?
Well, to me a friend is someone who is there without needing to ask him to be. A friend is someone who won’t mind coming over on a Saturday night and just hanging out on your couch watching DVDs. A friend is someone who will call you when he gets caught by his parents sneaking out of the house at 3 am and laughing his head off. A friend is someone you can call at 5 am just so that you could break your own loneliness. A friend is someone who will hop in the car right next to you, when he knows from experience that you drive like a crazy maniac. A friend is someone you can count on to have your back even when the fault is most likely yours.
A friend is simply there to be as crazy as you are, as supportive as humanly possible, as understanding as you need him to be.
Who are our real friends in that case?
Better yet, are we good friends to the people who honored us with that title?
Somewhere along the way we lost the true deep meaning of friendship, we took for granted the people who stood by us, we ignored those who rightfully needed us! We sold out!
Friendship is the gift you give yourself! Why is it that we find it easy to hurt the people who depend on us? Why do we see the need to gossip and spill out their secrets? How come we don’t mind selling out on them and exchanging them for anyone that came along?!
Why do we give up on people so easily?!
We are a bunch of people connected to each other by a common ground. However relationships were build on Meem’s grounds. Friendships, love, businesses, families… we can’t throw these gifts just like that! We have to learn to treasure them. It’s not every day that you find people you can relate to as much as our little family. These people are the ones who are going to stand by us when the tide of society tries to wave us away. we need each other, and it’s time we learnt how to be good to each other.

KIM

As we are sitting here, waiting for everyone to sit in their places, excitement is unbelievable. The theater is almost full and you can almost hear all the heartbeats.
And then at 6:12 exactly, total silence. Everyone is watching the book's teaser.
At the end when they say "wisil l bareed... wa akhiran" Everyone claps , nadz on stage, again more clapping that wouldn't allow Nadine to start talking.
One thing is obvious, Nadine can hardly speak.
Why they wrote this book? Because there are programs like "a7mar bl khat l 3areed", because people look at
If you look at elections you will find is stupid, filled with old men that dont look like us! (applause)
Why we want to launch this book? To change the elections, to change the political cast so that they look at us.
The revolution...
The revolution has started through us.
We want to gather all the gay individuals so they become a political force.

And now a word from the Heinrich Boel... What's interesting is that, according to heinrich boell, this is one of the biggest project funded by heinrich boell so far. As a women's rights' project.

And now, to great applause Nadine presents Lina, who has accepted to read the stories in English.
And now... Bareed mista3jil!

Date: January 2nd 2009

Location: the House

Good evening everyone and welcome to the first live blogging of our Annual retreat. I have been thinking of doing this for a while now and it is happening now and here is how it will take place. The 2 days biannual retreat is taking place, starting on Saturday the third of January 2009. On Friday (which is today) we are having a preretreat where we talk about feminist thingies in Meem. I will be putting updates quite often as discussion takes place, for reasons of personal security the girls will be presented according to their nicknames, we will be compiling the outcome later on (once the retreat is over).

And remember that this retreat gathers the most active (because they came 24h after new year’s eve, come on give them some credit for that) and most influential (because they are deciding about Lebanon’s Queer future)members of Meem. So there will be a lot of things that will sound unusual or too far fetched but… well that’s how we like it.

So shall we start?

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2008

This Monday, I was reading this interesting article: Tonight we are going to party like it’s 1985 in which the author, Helen G who is a Transwoman, is denouncing the nomination of Julie Bindel (no seriously check out the link to her Wikipedia page, it’s short and interesting) for the Stonewall awards.

Why you may ask? Because, according to Helen, Julie is a Transphobe. Interesting, non? You see this case may not be directly relevant to our cause or our struggle as Meems, but it does in a way portray the everlasting, internalized xenophobia. Let me summarize for you what has been discussed in those articles:

You have on one hand, Julie Bindel and whoever she represents, who says things like:

As a lesbian, I no longer want to be lumped in with a list of folk defined by ‘odd’ sexual practices, she means anything that is not Lesbian
Transsexuals, having received short shrift from heterosexual society, asked to be included in our rainbow alliance
Queer (anyone who is into “kinky” sex)
Questioning (those having a think about who and how they might shag in the future)
finally (for now) Intersex (those born with biological features that are simultaneously perceived as male and female)
The mantra now at “gay” meetings is a tongue-twisting LGBTQQI.
But I for one do not wish to be lumped in with an ever-increasing list of folk defined by “odd” sexual habits or characteristics. Shall we just start with A and work our way through the alphabet? A, androgynous, b, bisexual, c, cat-fancying d, devil worshipping. Where will it ever end?
No seriously that is exactly what she says, I did not in any way alter any word she said, you can follow the link to her article to check. Now to be honest, I do understand her frustration… Or at least I feel like I should understand it somehow. For example, Lesbians were heavily implicated in the birth of the feminist movement, but then their cause was silenced to ensure the safety of the feminist cause, they gave more than they took. Then in the gay movement they were very implicated also but they were quickly rendered invisible, for all so many reasons. And I have heard a few times trans people make it very clear that they are not homosexuals, NO, they were just born in the wrong body!

So I guess I understand where all the frustration may come from.

Now on the other hand you have Helen G and whoever she represents (apparently a lot of Trans individuals, and more specifically Feminist Trans women) states that the Lesbians never did and never will accept transsexuals as true/full women.

Which gets me to ask myself a few questions, like for example: why is it so difficult for trans and homos to work together? Let’s look at the Lebanese scene, I work on queer issues. I have been working with gays and lesbians for like 2 years now and though the gay/lesbian community admits the presence and importance of trans issues, though they want to be inclusive, it is not that simple. Sometimes I even wonder if Trans people want to be part of the queer scene. Sometimes our goals are so different that I wonder what could possibly bring us together?

For LGB individuals the goal is to be accepted as people that are attracted to people from the same sex. Trans individuals want to be accepted as individuals whose sexual organs do not coincide with their self-identified gender. Right?

Of course it can be right! If this is how you perceive your activism then the previous statement is true for you. And in that case, I don’t really see how you can combine both in one group that works for the same mission.

But keep in mind that this is not how everyone sees activism, this is not how I see activism and this is not what Meem’s mission statement consists of. My activism in Meem is just part of a greater cause, it is the struggle for diversity. I don’t really care if I am accepted as a woman that loves women and I don’t care if I am woman that is not really a woman that does not belong to the female gender. I honestly don’t care. I allow myself to be with the person I am in love with and I allow myself to be person I am, gender and social standards are not really my problem, even prison is not really an issue for me.

My struggle, my goal, my grail is to alter society so that no one would suffer discrimination, no one would feel wrong because of their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their sex, their ethnic origin, their religion, their political choices, their social class… I want no one to suffer from discrimination… Enough already!

Is this feasible? Is it realistic? Probably not, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. I want a mission that makes sense and for me this definition makes sense. And through this definition, trans individuals and homos fight for the same cause, eradicating heteronormativity and this is only one aspect of what I want to work on. But it is the same social mechanism that leads to both homophobia and transphobia. It is those little social boxes that we are supposed to fit it:

“perfect boy, perfect girl, perfect love, perfect marriage proposal, perfect wedding, perfect kids, in a perfect house, with the perfect dog and the perfect cat that have the perfect fight.”

I fit nowhere in that definition, neither do gays, lesbians, bisexuals, queers, questioning, transgender, transsexual, transvestites, Intersexes, single mothers, shy men, atheists, anarchists, people who can’t afford fancy wedding rings and outfits… and so many others. And all of these groups are my activism allies.

Well I guess that says it all for me… I am queer and I am here to stay. Yes attack me, beat me, insult me, laugh at me and put me in jail. It is ok, you don’t know any better. I do. Heteros may not agree, lesbians may not be interested and trans’ may ridicule me, but then again, I have had worse, I have survived times when I didn’t agree with myself, when I was not interested in my own ideas and when I ridiculed myself. What do you think that you can do to make it worse for me?

I guess Bon Jovi was right, it’s my way. It’s now or never.

Pazuzu

Since we missed the collaborative writing session in the House the other day I felt like I should be compensating about that. So let’s talk about Movements, since the next issue of Bekhsoos will be: Bekhsoos l Movement. Hm, I guess I should not speak of what a movement is or what it is not, I’m sure others will talk to you about it, and they know what they are talking about, unlike me.

What I will talk about is movement in my own experience and according to what I have seen in Lebanon. So what I am about to say is blatantly personal and perhaps a bit subjective.




So let’s see, what makes a wo/man want to be part of a movement? Most of us never get into a movement, the movement is just the exteriorization of what we have inside us. You do not register to become part. But you would realize (often very early on) that there are things that are either horrible or that just can be better. Then you start asking yourself why is this idea never discussed or dealt with. Until the day you find people like you that think like you or that are repulsed by the same things that bother you. That is not really a problem; you can find something in common with virtually everyone. No really you can. A movement is so vast and general that anyone can be part of it.

But then the hard part is to how to make a movement efficient, who to ally yourself with, and what other movements to include in the first, without jeopardizing it. We are all bundles of traumas walking on the streets and trying to make some sense out of this life and to take some pleasure out of this existence. There are so many details that the actual essence is lost. What makes Pazuzu Pazuzu and what are the details that just came to modulate and influence Pazuzu. Take out of my system every insult, every harassment, every trauma, every influencial idea I have received, take out every moment of guilt, of despair and humiliation, every tear and every outbreak of anger. Then take away every Mass I attended, every Christmas dinner, every laughter with friends and every shoulder I cried on… And when you are done removing all those moment of “influence” try looking for my essence, what will be left of Pazuzu once all of these details are removed? Nothing I fear.

It’s easy to say “I… I think… I believe… I know…” But who would understand it when I say that? Only the people who know what I know, believe in what I believe in, who think like I think, inno bi2ikhtisar, who are like me.

You know what is funny? We like to believe that we defend our cause because it is right, but in fact, we defend it because we want to improve things for ourselves. Whether the cause is righteous or not, is both subjective and impossible to measure. The idea to defend a cause that does not affect you directly is very romantic, attractive and everything. The Straight-Gay Alliance(s) strive on this concept. But it doesn’t work, let’s face it. In societies made of at least 80% of straight people, the Straight and Gay alliances have but a few straight individuals. Of course, the mere presence of these few make a huge difference. But why? Because, in my subjective meaningless opinion, it is because straight people would not relate to gay people. Three years ago, I was one of two straight supporters of Helem that I knew of. Now the other straight supporter of Helem, turned out to be gay or bisexual or queer, I never had the chance to talk to him. And me? Well I am clearly an everlasting queer; until time proves me wrong.

Ok, now bear with me and re-read what I have already written… As I read it I feel that it’s totally false though it is true. You see, if I was not a queer activist I would have been a “something else” activist. This is what I always knew, deep inside, but I thought I’d be working with people dealing with AIDS or suicide survivors. I remember that 2 years ago, a close friend of mine actually told me that I will move out of my place, move somewhere closer to Beirut and work in activism. His prognostics are slowly coming true. Is this common to others? Yes to some not all.

It’s like each person is an activist differently. Non? I wonder what makes you want to be an activist or not?

Pazuzu

Hey everybody!


So far, in our Book Club meetings, we have been reading about, and discussing, important issues like racism, the rights of physically disabled members of LGBT communities, social struggles and academia, and queer and transgendered identities, among others. And so we will continue. In the coming meeting, we are going to read something by a Lebanese Canadian lesbian about being a working class queer Arab woman in North America.

So join us this Monday, August 18 (5:30 sharp, at the House), to read excerpts from Joanna Kadi’s Thinking Class: Sketches from a Cultural Worker, as she shares her personal experiences and her opinions about the mainstream North American lesbian and gay community, and its mainstream culture in general. Kadi is one opinionated woman.

I hope to see you all there on Monday.

Enjoy your weekend,

The Calm Activist

Saturday the 16th at 4.p.m.
Workshop

Hello all
It was stated in the meem calendar that we will have a workshop about film as a tool for actisvism ? However that subject being too vast for a two hours workshop, I decided to give a workshop about the image of lesbians in the history of film starting 1910?

At the end of the workshop, those who are interested in a technical one, as in introduction to camera use and history of film technics and such , can put down their names so we can put together a workshop for Activist Development and give you the tools necessary to proceed .

Hope to see you tomorrow
TaKe Care
Shant

I was checking my inbox, when I found an e-mail announcing a workshop called “What Happened to the T in LGBT”, it didn’t mean much to me, of course I was going to attend since it’s one of Meem activities and a foreign person was being hosted. It was only a couple of days ago when we were having a discussion about transgender and queer people, and how Meem should work more on including their issues. I remember getting lost in that conversation, my ideas concerning gender and queer theory were blur and I couldn’t relate to any of these issues, I knew that if I were to think about it, it will confuse me even more.
And then it was Friday, the day I met Sinan, the feminist trans-guy who was here for the workshop I read about.
Hearing him talk about gender in general, his own experience with figuring out his gender identity, queer theory and the way he relates to it, and how he came to identify as a feminist, it changed me. Everything was suddenly clear to me, and another flow of thoughts came rushing, thoughts that helped me understand a bit more my own gender identity, but more importantly made me realize what it really means to be inclusive of all LGBTQ issues, and not leaving behind any of them. His passion, his understanding of the cause, his perspective… Although I can’t explain what exactly changed in my way of viewing things, I know it made a huge shift. They say that there are certain people who come into your life and inspire you in a way that changes you, I was inspired.

~Ran~

Saba7o girls and boys w ya3tikon l 3afye,

After the outing of the issue 0 of our Magazine “Bekhsoos” titled: Bekhsoos l homophobia

And after the Internal and International admiration that this magazine has collected, it’s time for everyone to get their brains back to work and start preparing for the next issue.

Quoting the crazy Editor-in-Chief:

…so break in the articles. I already have quite a few, (many thanks to all those who’ve already submitted stuff), and it would be great if you could submit some before the 19th midnight. Anything post that deadline will not be accepted, sorry!
The theme of this issue is Pride. It would be preferable if your submissions (writing, artwork, anything that can be uploaded on www.bekhsoos.com) are Pride-oriented; not just the Pride Marches and/or Parades, but more like what the concept of Pride means to you. If you have nothing to say concerning Pride, but have another topic in mind, please, by all means, do not hesitate to share it.

So what you need to remember is:

Tell us about Pride
Submit your articles before the 19th
Write in any language you feel comfortable with (Arabic, French, English, German, Spanish, Armenian…); our team of translators will translate it, or we would cooperate with you on the translation
For the Meems that live abroad, in countries where the Pride Parade is organized, it would be nice if you tell us about it, if you’ve never participated in it, then it would be interesting if you tell us why. In brief, just tell us, we are curious and there are lots of other curious people out there.

So for submissions or further information please contact the Editor-in-Chief: Jenni on the following email: jenni@meemgroup.org. Or if you’re too shy then just contact me and I will take care of communicating with her.

So juice those pens and amaze us.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Salut tout le monde,J’ai l’honneur de vous invitez à contribuer dans une oeuvre magnifique. Cet oeuvre s’appelle Bekhsoos (avec double O et non OU, faites attention). Bekhsoos est le fruit de la collaboration de toutes les filles et les garcons de Meem. C’est une magazine sympa et tres cool (egalement avec double O et non OU). Le numéro 0 de Bekhsoos est déjà disponible si vous voulez le consulter.

Mais on n’a pas de temps à perdre, numéro prochain ne va pa tarder à paraitre et je veux voir votre contribution dans ce nouveau numéro. Le sujet général sera le Pride et je suis certaine que vous avez beaucoup à dire sur ce sujet.

Alors installer vous bien et écrivez, une fois terminé, il suffit de l’envoyer à Jenni (jenni@meemgroup.org) et que le spectacle commence. mais faites attention il faut l’envoyer avant le 19 Juillet pour que l’équipe puisse le publier. Alors… Yalla pas de temps à perdre

N.B.: si vous voulez consulter le numéro précédent visitez la page suivante: www.bekhsoos.com