Today is IDAHO, the international day against homophobia 2009. Today is the day we commemorate the victims of homophobia, transphobia and xenophobia in general. Today is the day we remember that we are oppressed.
Not that we are ever granted the luxury of forgetting that we are opressed, not that we are ever granted the pleasure of not being a prosecuted minority. No, ya reit. In fact what happens is that we try to ignore it most of the time, we close ourselves up in our community that we forget the pressure, or at least pretend to forget it. But then life bites us in the ass and we are reminded that we are not meant to exist. It is just enough to take a quick look at the world around us to remember where we belong.

Go to California where Harvey Milk was murdered over 2 decades ago, California, the GAY CAPITAL of the world and look at the prop 8. Look at A7mar bl Khat l 3areed. Look at the beautiful initiative of the Baltic Pride and how it was being sabotaged. Look back at Ebru's murder and finally the barbaric attack on gay men in Sassine.

You look at all that and you think to yourself: What the hell are we fighting for? It's feels overwhelming sometimes that we would have to fight this much for the simplest of rights, that on may 2009, homophobia is still the norm and we are still the criminals just because we are true to ourselves. May 2009 and we are still struggling to fight homophobia, shameful don't you think?

But then again, if you look closely at our tiny little world there is so much more than the homophobia, to every act of homophobia there is and will always be even greater acts of LGBT resistance, to every aggression there will be reactions.
Afterall, they killed Harvey Milk but soon Milk will take over the 22nd of May, it will be the "Harvey Milk Day". Prop8 may have passed but there will always people rebels like Melissa Etheridge that will put her money where her mouth is and that knows what she is giving to society. Yimkin there will always be programs like A7mar bil Khat and there will always be violence, because they just don't understand us, but there will always be demonstrations to tell them that we are willing to be peaceful but we will not be passive!

Pazuzu

Starting May 1st, marriage will no longer have genders in Sweden. The law was passed yesterday after 6 hours of discussion. This is not only a positive step for gays and Lesbians but also for transgendered individuals for example. Source: Sweden Legalizes Same Sex Marriage on Advocate.com

Now I won't say that I don't contradicting feelings about this. Marriage is not really what I dream to see in the whole world. I want us to re-think marriage and what it should mean.

But that's not the issue right now. The thing that got me really excited about this decision is that it is gender neutral. It is not a marriage for Gays and Lesbians. It is not a civil union. It is marriage, one, unified marriage, that involves consenting adults. They can be a homosexual, heterosexual, transsexual couple, or anything in between. It's just two people that agreed that they want to get married, to share something, or everything, or anything in between.

Now a friend of mine said something interesting when I told him about this news: They are trying to top the Gay prides and gay image thingies yalli 3am bi seero in other Europ. countries.

And he's right. At a certain moment anything can be used for publicity and competition. To be honest, that is the least of my worries. Our struggle for human dignity and unconditional respect is not commercial, it's a struggle for survival and basic human rights. We are proud people and no one should have the right to insult our pride. We are normal, with or without a paper, that allows us to be perceived as normal. We exist whether or not we have the right to live. We are a productive part of society, equally smart and equally productive to anyone else. That is why, we have a lot to give to this world, the more they give us the more society will improve, that is the message that some countries and companies are starting to pick up, and this is why homosexuality is so cool in some places. Simply because we have been marginalized for too long, we have always been cool they just never realized it before ;)

I was reading the other day this article, it’s mainly statistics conducted on young people which showed a higher percentage of teenage pregnancies among the gay population. Shocking, no? I mean why would gays and lesbians want to have sex with the opposite sex, which is the only way to get an unwanted pregnancy? It must be that homosexuals are not really homosexuals as they claim, it must be that they became homosexuals because they had a bad experience with the opposite sex (e.g. an unwanted pregnancy). Those who never had a pregnancy case must’ve had another sort of bad experience.
Well, I doubt it. No not because I never had bad experiences with men. I mean I had bad experiences with men but then again almost every woman I know has had at least one horribly bad experience with men; that was not enough to turn almost every woman I know into a Lesbian, hell even I am not a Lesbian.
But read the article carefully, the scientist himself/herself gives you a hint to where to look for the answer. Homosexuals seek heterosexual sex to cover up for the fact that they are homosexuals. Other explanations could be given, but the need to hide your homosexuality is enough to get you in trouble.
Which takes us to the real problem behind this unhealthy phenomenon, homophobia. You see as Meems we never recommend a coming out to anyone. It is dangerous to do so. Even if you are accidently outed and therefore predict problems, deny it! Say it is not true and do whatever it takes to convince others that you are not gay! Hypocrite you may think but this is often less dangerous than facing homophobic parents.
Keep in mind people, heal homophobia not homosexuality. Homosexuality is healthy biodiversity, homophobia is a dangerous form of xenophobia. Just as being black is not an illness, racism is. The Jews were not the problem, Hitler was.
What usually happens with sexual minorities like ours is that we are not born into our minorities, black people are born from black families, now they may be the only black family but at least they have their parents that are like them. And the same is for Jews for example. But you can be a homosexual born from heterosexual parents. In that case you will feel very alienated, you feel that you are alone, and that you are probably wrong, something must be wrong with you. And invisibility weighs heavily on you, you realize that others will not understand. If others know, they will react negatively, they might look at you differently, but they might also mock you or physically attack you. If you work, you may lose your job. So you better not be outed!
This is particularly the case when you are still in school, for many reasons:

School environments are the most obvious examples of peer pressure and conformism pressure. School regulations, or the fact that the kid’s life is centered on his school, the spirit of competition, the idea that anything else than your school is negligible once compared to your school performance… all these factors contribute to making your school experience a really difficult one if you don’t conform to the majority.

You cannot control your school environment, you may be totally convinced that your homosexuality does not influence your normalcy (which is rare but still) you are forced to be in an environment strongly influenced by parental authority (LBGTs trying to raise awareness in schools are first and foremost scared of parental disapproval and fury, even when the legislation is favorable).
As a result, please don’t be gay in school, unless you live in some areas of Belgium where they like homosexuals. There is like this unspoken law that says that you cannot be gay in school, very few people escape its tyranny.

This is why this study is so relevant to our work in Meem. You see, we painfully lack studies on queer issues in the Middle East. Turning to other regions for material can help, but it has its limitations, if they survey homosexual adults then the situation they live in is different than the situation of adults that live here in Lebanon. Unfortunately, school environments are still a bit closer to our situation right now in the Middle East. Plus, this study emphasized the results of homophobia, instead of trying to explain homosexuality. I honestly don’t care what made me queer, what I care about is how I am treated because of my homosexuality. And this study, just like many others, proves, that homophobia kills, thus the urgency of dealing with it. The world didn’t start admitting the existence of Gay Men in the States until the HIV epidemic, and this is only one of the problems that the homophobia imposes on us.

The homophobic society we live in uses the results of its homophobia to prove that we are sick leeches that need to be dealt with at all cost. And that is one of the reasons why we work to break the Lesbian stigma. We don’t smoke because we sleep with women, we don’t do drugs, we don’t cut our veins, we don’t abuse our lovers because we sleep with women and we don’t do any of it because we have a problem with our gender identity. No. We suffer all these problems because of homophobia. Because we are not accepted, not even from those that we need to accept us, we suffer all this because our own parents would much rather see us dead than see us for who we really are, because our life-long friends would stop wanting our friendship because they fear us as predators.

To change all that, in ourselves and in others, we wish to change things. We want you to see our true colors, and love us because or in spite of them. Is that too much to ask for?

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2008

This Monday, I was reading this interesting article: Tonight we are going to party like it’s 1985 in which the author, Helen G who is a Transwoman, is denouncing the nomination of Julie Bindel (no seriously check out the link to her Wikipedia page, it’s short and interesting) for the Stonewall awards.

Why you may ask? Because, according to Helen, Julie is a Transphobe. Interesting, non? You see this case may not be directly relevant to our cause or our struggle as Meems, but it does in a way portray the everlasting, internalized xenophobia. Let me summarize for you what has been discussed in those articles:

You have on one hand, Julie Bindel and whoever she represents, who says things like:

As a lesbian, I no longer want to be lumped in with a list of folk defined by ‘odd’ sexual practices, she means anything that is not Lesbian
Transsexuals, having received short shrift from heterosexual society, asked to be included in our rainbow alliance
Queer (anyone who is into “kinky” sex)
Questioning (those having a think about who and how they might shag in the future)
finally (for now) Intersex (those born with biological features that are simultaneously perceived as male and female)
The mantra now at “gay” meetings is a tongue-twisting LGBTQQI.
But I for one do not wish to be lumped in with an ever-increasing list of folk defined by “odd” sexual habits or characteristics. Shall we just start with A and work our way through the alphabet? A, androgynous, b, bisexual, c, cat-fancying d, devil worshipping. Where will it ever end?
No seriously that is exactly what she says, I did not in any way alter any word she said, you can follow the link to her article to check. Now to be honest, I do understand her frustration… Or at least I feel like I should understand it somehow. For example, Lesbians were heavily implicated in the birth of the feminist movement, but then their cause was silenced to ensure the safety of the feminist cause, they gave more than they took. Then in the gay movement they were very implicated also but they were quickly rendered invisible, for all so many reasons. And I have heard a few times trans people make it very clear that they are not homosexuals, NO, they were just born in the wrong body!

So I guess I understand where all the frustration may come from.

Now on the other hand you have Helen G and whoever she represents (apparently a lot of Trans individuals, and more specifically Feminist Trans women) states that the Lesbians never did and never will accept transsexuals as true/full women.

Which gets me to ask myself a few questions, like for example: why is it so difficult for trans and homos to work together? Let’s look at the Lebanese scene, I work on queer issues. I have been working with gays and lesbians for like 2 years now and though the gay/lesbian community admits the presence and importance of trans issues, though they want to be inclusive, it is not that simple. Sometimes I even wonder if Trans people want to be part of the queer scene. Sometimes our goals are so different that I wonder what could possibly bring us together?

For LGB individuals the goal is to be accepted as people that are attracted to people from the same sex. Trans individuals want to be accepted as individuals whose sexual organs do not coincide with their self-identified gender. Right?

Of course it can be right! If this is how you perceive your activism then the previous statement is true for you. And in that case, I don’t really see how you can combine both in one group that works for the same mission.

But keep in mind that this is not how everyone sees activism, this is not how I see activism and this is not what Meem’s mission statement consists of. My activism in Meem is just part of a greater cause, it is the struggle for diversity. I don’t really care if I am accepted as a woman that loves women and I don’t care if I am woman that is not really a woman that does not belong to the female gender. I honestly don’t care. I allow myself to be with the person I am in love with and I allow myself to be person I am, gender and social standards are not really my problem, even prison is not really an issue for me.

My struggle, my goal, my grail is to alter society so that no one would suffer discrimination, no one would feel wrong because of their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their sex, their ethnic origin, their religion, their political choices, their social class… I want no one to suffer from discrimination… Enough already!

Is this feasible? Is it realistic? Probably not, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. I want a mission that makes sense and for me this definition makes sense. And through this definition, trans individuals and homos fight for the same cause, eradicating heteronormativity and this is only one aspect of what I want to work on. But it is the same social mechanism that leads to both homophobia and transphobia. It is those little social boxes that we are supposed to fit it:

“perfect boy, perfect girl, perfect love, perfect marriage proposal, perfect wedding, perfect kids, in a perfect house, with the perfect dog and the perfect cat that have the perfect fight.”

I fit nowhere in that definition, neither do gays, lesbians, bisexuals, queers, questioning, transgender, transsexual, transvestites, Intersexes, single mothers, shy men, atheists, anarchists, people who can’t afford fancy wedding rings and outfits… and so many others. And all of these groups are my activism allies.

Well I guess that says it all for me… I am queer and I am here to stay. Yes attack me, beat me, insult me, laugh at me and put me in jail. It is ok, you don’t know any better. I do. Heteros may not agree, lesbians may not be interested and trans’ may ridicule me, but then again, I have had worse, I have survived times when I didn’t agree with myself, when I was not interested in my own ideas and when I ridiculed myself. What do you think that you can do to make it worse for me?

I guess Bon Jovi was right, it’s my way. It’s now or never.

Pazuzu

Since we missed the collaborative writing session in the House the other day I felt like I should be compensating about that. So let’s talk about Movements, since the next issue of Bekhsoos will be: Bekhsoos l Movement. Hm, I guess I should not speak of what a movement is or what it is not, I’m sure others will talk to you about it, and they know what they are talking about, unlike me.

What I will talk about is movement in my own experience and according to what I have seen in Lebanon. So what I am about to say is blatantly personal and perhaps a bit subjective.




So let’s see, what makes a wo/man want to be part of a movement? Most of us never get into a movement, the movement is just the exteriorization of what we have inside us. You do not register to become part. But you would realize (often very early on) that there are things that are either horrible or that just can be better. Then you start asking yourself why is this idea never discussed or dealt with. Until the day you find people like you that think like you or that are repulsed by the same things that bother you. That is not really a problem; you can find something in common with virtually everyone. No really you can. A movement is so vast and general that anyone can be part of it.

But then the hard part is to how to make a movement efficient, who to ally yourself with, and what other movements to include in the first, without jeopardizing it. We are all bundles of traumas walking on the streets and trying to make some sense out of this life and to take some pleasure out of this existence. There are so many details that the actual essence is lost. What makes Pazuzu Pazuzu and what are the details that just came to modulate and influence Pazuzu. Take out of my system every insult, every harassment, every trauma, every influencial idea I have received, take out every moment of guilt, of despair and humiliation, every tear and every outbreak of anger. Then take away every Mass I attended, every Christmas dinner, every laughter with friends and every shoulder I cried on… And when you are done removing all those moment of “influence” try looking for my essence, what will be left of Pazuzu once all of these details are removed? Nothing I fear.

It’s easy to say “I… I think… I believe… I know…” But who would understand it when I say that? Only the people who know what I know, believe in what I believe in, who think like I think, inno bi2ikhtisar, who are like me.

You know what is funny? We like to believe that we defend our cause because it is right, but in fact, we defend it because we want to improve things for ourselves. Whether the cause is righteous or not, is both subjective and impossible to measure. The idea to defend a cause that does not affect you directly is very romantic, attractive and everything. The Straight-Gay Alliance(s) strive on this concept. But it doesn’t work, let’s face it. In societies made of at least 80% of straight people, the Straight and Gay alliances have but a few straight individuals. Of course, the mere presence of these few make a huge difference. But why? Because, in my subjective meaningless opinion, it is because straight people would not relate to gay people. Three years ago, I was one of two straight supporters of Helem that I knew of. Now the other straight supporter of Helem, turned out to be gay or bisexual or queer, I never had the chance to talk to him. And me? Well I am clearly an everlasting queer; until time proves me wrong.

Ok, now bear with me and re-read what I have already written… As I read it I feel that it’s totally false though it is true. You see, if I was not a queer activist I would have been a “something else” activist. This is what I always knew, deep inside, but I thought I’d be working with people dealing with AIDS or suicide survivors. I remember that 2 years ago, a close friend of mine actually told me that I will move out of my place, move somewhere closer to Beirut and work in activism. His prognostics are slowly coming true. Is this common to others? Yes to some not all.

It’s like each person is an activist differently. Non? I wonder what makes you want to be an activist or not?

Pazuzu

There were two girls, living apart
Once they met, and the flame burnt their heart
This was the apple, this was the sin
And the whole world dumped them in a bin

God is Love, and Love was their blame
They had to pretend and become with no name
To hide themselves from the wolves of society
That made hunting these girls their best specialty

Condemned for loving one another
They lost father and mother
No friends, no support, no understanding
And these two lovers were left with nothing

Criminals…CONVICTS
Being themselves caused them to pay through their nose
But instead of giving up their love, they chose to live in conflicts
Carry on, and make out of their love a prose

The day will come when the world will see
That their Apple is nothing but the fact of what they can really be.





~ Silent Soul on 04/09/2008

There’s a YouTube video that’s been circulating quite a bit of late that gay people in Lebanon seem to love. It’s being touted as an “educational video to be shared with family and friends which answers frequently asked questions about the origin of homosexuality. The video takes us on a conversational journey with three animated characters (George the gay guy, Martha the lesbian, and Christian the homophobe), and attempts to make the argument through reference to flawed scientific studies that homosexuality is inborn, innate, static, and unchangeable, and that’s why society must find it in its heart to tolerate the queers. You can watch the video here:



I hate this stuff. It offends me. Taking this argument to its logical conclusion, it would follow that if sexual orientation were not actually genetic or inborn, then it would somehow cease to be acceptable or worthy of social tolerance. I understand why some gay people like this line of argument: “It’s not my fault, I was born this way, please accept me”. But for gay activists, those who are (supposed to be) actively working to challenge the structures of society that allow for discrimination on the basis of non-normative sexuality to be propagating this bullshit is not only ignorant, it is also supremely irresponsible.The scientific “evidence” presented in the video is flawed in the first place. The birth-order argument, which claims that boys who have older brothers are more likely to be gay because pregnant women carrying male children produce anti-bodies against them, and therefore the more boys she has, the stronger her antibodies become, causing the boys to become increasingly “feminized”. If ever there was proof that there is no such thing as objective knowledge in science, and that just like every other form of knowledge production it is filtered through the lens of normative cultural tropes and beliefs, then this is it. Heteronormative society holds that only males can be attracted to females, and only females to males, and that’s the way it should be. Along comes science, and instead of questioning or problematizing this belief, it takes it as a given, attempting to explain homosexuality by proving that there is something of the female in gay men, and that’s why they end up being attracted to members of the same sex. For queer activists to promote this view is horribly, horribly wrong, not only because of flawed scientific methodology, but because they don’t even feel the need to question the heteronormative basis on which these arguments are built.And y’know, it’sactually ok to question science. Seven years after homosexuality was removed from the DSM-II (the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders), the doctors decided to replace it with a new illness that they termed “gender identity disorder”. So the gays are now safe, but the trannies, they’re the ones who are f***ed up in the head. It’s no longer deviant sexual desire, it’s now deviant gender identity. In the diagnoses of both homosexuality and transgenderism, the explanation is that the person does not conform to what is deemed “normal” male or female. Unsurprisingly, the gays have nothing to say about this.


And to top it all off, this apologetic “it’s not a choice video” ends with a supposedly funny skit where Martha the lesbian mentions how this one girl that she knows “goes back and forth” only to elicit a look of horror from George the gay guy who nudges her frantically and tells her to shut up. SHHHHH! DON’T LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THE BISEXUALS! THEY’LL RUIN EVERYTHING! Because really, how can the “gay gene” explain people whose sexuality is fluid? The very idea that sexuality is fluid is antithetical to orthodox gay rights activists whose entire argument is predicated on the belief in discrete, separate, stagnant, and categorical identities. The sexual and gendered expressions that straddle that uncomfortable space in-between, the transgenders, the bisexuals, the queers, have always been marginalized. And that marginalization seems to be completely acceptable. Hypocritical chants of “Celebrate Diversity” may be more honestly re-written as “Celebrate Some Diversity (the others don’t count)”.

What these gay rights activists fail to realize is that our struggle is so much bigger than this, and framing it in this way is extremely detrimental because it puts the bar so low. At the heart of this struggle lies everyone’s right to sexual freedom, the right to choose their own sexual partners without violence and discrimination, and regardless of whether their choice is due to a genetic mishap or not. And this means everyone. Decriminalizing homosexuality because “gay people don’t have a choice” does nothing to end discrimination against heterosexual people for sexual non-conformity (like women who have sex before marriage, honor crimes, or you-better-bleed-on-your-wedding-night-or-you’re-divorced syndrome). The right to freedom of choice becomes meaningless, and gay people themselves will suffer for it despite their current short-sightedness. If we don’t have an LGBT movement in Lebanon that can see this, then maybe its time for something new.

Shax