As we are sitting here, waiting for everyone to sit in their places, excitement is unbelievable. The theater is almost full and you can almost hear all the heartbeats.
And then at 6:12 exactly, total silence. Everyone is watching the book's teaser.
At the end when they say "wisil l bareed... wa akhiran" Everyone claps , nadz on stage, again more clapping that wouldn't allow Nadine to start talking.
One thing is obvious, Nadine can hardly speak.
Why they wrote this book? Because there are programs like "a7mar bl khat l 3areed", because people look at
If you look at elections you will find is stupid, filled with old men that dont look like us! (applause)
Why we want to launch this book? To change the elections, to change the political cast so that they look at us.
The revolution...
The revolution has started through us.
We want to gather all the gay individuals so they become a political force.

And now a word from the Heinrich Boel... What's interesting is that, according to heinrich boell, this is one of the biggest project funded by heinrich boell so far. As a women's rights' project.

And now, to great applause Nadine presents Lina, who has accepted to read the stories in English.
And now... Bareed mista3jil!

A multi-national Baltic Pride organized in Riga, Latvia. The event was organized by Latvian organization Mozaika, the Lithuanian Gay League, and Estonian Gay Youth, in spite of movements to Ban it and a simultaneous anti-gay protest.
>Baltic Pride is a new concept in the world of LGBT activism, whether on the organizational level or the date chosen for the Baltic "pride".The event took place from the 14th to the 17th on May 2009, which coincides with the week of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO) whereas Pride weeks usually take place in the month of June.

But the choice of date was not the only unusual thing about the Baltic Pride. The event was not just a national event. It was organized by a result of the cooperation between three Baltic nations - Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania - the deal being that for the upcoming three years Baltic Pride will be organized in one of the Baltic countries mentioned above.

This year the event was organized in Riga, Latvia. Having acquired permission from Riga City Council – Commission on Meetings, Marches and Demonstrations - on May 8, organizers started preparations, established their website (www.balticpride.eu) and started spreading the word.
On the 13th of May however, a majority of Riga’s City Council members signed an open letter to the Executive Director of the city council to revoke the permission and threatening to overrule the decision through voting.

The European legislation protects individuals' and groups' right to assembly and expression of identity. Human rights and the Lebanese law, in theory fulfill the same role. So building on that right, the organizers refused to give in to the decision and made an injunction to the court and were granted a hearing on Friday at the Municipal Court overturning the decision to ban the march.

In parallel, Baltic Pride mobilized regional and international media and authorities to pressure the Riga City Council. Amnesty International (has covered the event when it was threatened, banned then when it got the green light and finally the event course), Ilga-Europe )Covered the whole event extensively), The Baltic Course (with one article)etc.

Ilke Jaspers is a young Belgian LGBTQ activist that has recently moved to Estonia to dedicate the next couple of years to LGBTQ activism. Building on a friendship that was born on Berlin Pride 2008, I asked Ilke about Baltic Pride and her feelings about it. About the legal victory she said “this could only happen because it was allowed in the end to march”.

But the march itself was a challenge with homophobes rallying for a counter march to, but the Police was deployed in force and prevented any incident. The issue was that the Riga City Council argued that it would not be safe to allow such a demonstration, “it [police protection] was needed, the event and march ended being totally safe but not because there weren’t people around us who were aggressive. The opposite is true, it was full of anti-protesters shouting, giving us the finger, showing those weird signs like “gay =AIDS” and the “more gays, the less Latvians”” said Ilke.

In the end, if we were to take any lesson from the Baltic Pride's success then that lesson would be "networking, lobbying and your rights". Baltic Pride is the little baby of a networking effort between three Baltic countries. It was protected by the strong lobbying with several international human rights and LGBTQ rights organization. And last but not least, Baltic Pride had the right to exist and they refused to give up that right.

As for the future, it seems bright according to Ilke “I am only hopeful for the future, I sincerely believe it will get better every year”. In 2010, Baltic Pride will be in Vilnius, Lithuania and 2011 in Tartu, Estonia. Congratulations to the Baltic Pride organizers.

Pazuzu

Today is IDAHO, the international day against homophobia 2009. Today is the day we commemorate the victims of homophobia, transphobia and xenophobia in general. Today is the day we remember that we are oppressed.
Not that we are ever granted the luxury of forgetting that we are opressed, not that we are ever granted the pleasure of not being a prosecuted minority. No, ya reit. In fact what happens is that we try to ignore it most of the time, we close ourselves up in our community that we forget the pressure, or at least pretend to forget it. But then life bites us in the ass and we are reminded that we are not meant to exist. It is just enough to take a quick look at the world around us to remember where we belong.

Go to California where Harvey Milk was murdered over 2 decades ago, California, the GAY CAPITAL of the world and look at the prop 8. Look at A7mar bl Khat l 3areed. Look at the beautiful initiative of the Baltic Pride and how it was being sabotaged. Look back at Ebru's murder and finally the barbaric attack on gay men in Sassine.

You look at all that and you think to yourself: What the hell are we fighting for? It's feels overwhelming sometimes that we would have to fight this much for the simplest of rights, that on may 2009, homophobia is still the norm and we are still the criminals just because we are true to ourselves. May 2009 and we are still struggling to fight homophobia, shameful don't you think?

But then again, if you look closely at our tiny little world there is so much more than the homophobia, to every act of homophobia there is and will always be even greater acts of LGBT resistance, to every aggression there will be reactions.
Afterall, they killed Harvey Milk but soon Milk will take over the 22nd of May, it will be the "Harvey Milk Day". Prop8 may have passed but there will always people rebels like Melissa Etheridge that will put her money where her mouth is and that knows what she is giving to society. Yimkin there will always be programs like A7mar bil Khat and there will always be violence, because they just don't understand us, but there will always be demonstrations to tell them that we are willing to be peaceful but we will not be passive!

Pazuzu

It is the 28th of April, the Freethought Society at AUB are having a panel discussion about Dispelling Myths and Presenting the Facts of Homosexuality as I write this. Speakers include Ghassan Makarem from Helem, Dr. Tima Al-Jamil from the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, and Dr. Richard Dean from the Department of Philosophy, Richard Dean from the Philosophy Department, Joshua Anderson from the Philosophy Department and Rita el-Haddad, MA student from the Psychology Department.

Structure: Each speaker will say a few things, then the floor would be open for comments and questions.

Rita el-Haddad

Was a homophobe, till the age of 19, taught that homosexuality was abnormal. She didn't feel she had to right to question authority. Did not know anyone who was gay, only exposed through media. At the age of 19, people she had known had come out to her, thus shattering her previous beliefs. An ethics course shattered the idea that homosexuality is unnatural. In an abnormal psychology course, she learned that homosexuality is not abnormal through the definition of normality. It is important to question authority, it is important to look things up and bother. To dispel myths we may have, we should challenge our beliefs.

Richard Dean

Will contribute through problematic arguments usually used:
- homosexuality is unnatural: it is not clear what "natural" means - it is very vague. Even if turns out to be unnatural it doesn't prove that it is wrong.
- homosexuality is wrong because if everyone were homosexual the human race would become extinct: this isn't a danger, we only got 8 billion left, so it isn't a convincing argument.
- argument associated with religion: if you say, "of course religions are opposed to homosexuality" it is not quite right. Check Hinduism and branches of Christianity who do not think homosexuality is wrong. Some Baptist churches now ordain gay ministers, etc. There's two different views about what religion could give us about morality. God gave humans the power of thinking, so we should be able to come to conclusions. Another view says that God tells us what to do, and maybe there are a few experts that we may listen to. Whatever is revealed should be discussed and interpreted without

Tima Al-Jamil

We must begin to think about these issues and talk about them. It has been discussed for centuries in other places in the world so there is so much diversity when it comes to the discourse ... Having said that, the idea of homosexuality has shifted from being a sin, deviance, pathology, a behavior. There is so much more on homophobia then on homosexuality when it comes to research. People want to understand why homophobes are homophobes rather than why homos are homos.
Facts:
- discussion begins in the 1800s through case studies with patients with pathological backgrounds
- no consistent evidence in pathological patterns that CAUSE homosexuality
- one consistent pattern: homosexuals have recorded since childhood, the age of 10, that they have felt different and have engaged in gender non-conformed behavior
- There are genetic and hormonal influences, neuro-psychologists have noticed a different

Freud by the end of his life said that homosexuality is not a psychological issue. Studies have correlated distress with experiences of stigma, etc. We define abnormality with distress, dysfunction and danger (to self and others)

Treatment has failed to "treat" patients and reverse their sexuality. 88% of a study have recorded no change in patients, for the rest, there's a decrease in homosexual BEHAVIOR but no increase in heterosexual desire.

Ghassan Makarem

Homosexuality in Lebanon:
-myth that there is tolerance
-myth that society is too conservative to accept homosexual acts/identity

in Helem, we noticed that there are different ways in looking at homosexuality. There is a relation with the education, the setting (urban: more likely to have a homosexual lifestyle). We do not know how people percieve homosexuality. There hasnt been any studies. Gays and Lesbians in Lebanon have it better here? Not entirely true. We have obstacles: article 534 criminalizes unnatural sexual intercourse. In some places used exclusively against gay men, less about gay women. At the end of 2002, they wanted to include lesbians in the penal code. It was stopped by a coalition of NGOs.Scientific evidence comes from Europe and the United States and they give false impressions. From the beginning at Helem, we made a decision that we are concerned with civic laws, we are not looking to reform any religion. We try not to deal with religious issues, but any reform should focus on civil law.

We look at how the state looks at homosexuals and whether there is any institutional discrimination against homosexuals. We have been working with various organizations in Lebanon, even though this article exists, Helem is in a coalition with the Ministry of Health and works with the Ministry of Public Affairs. We also work with the police on how gays and lesbians are treated.

Joshua Andresen

In the spirit of AUB's mission statement on diversity, tolerance and dialogue, we will take questions now.

question one: There is nothing scientific about homosexuality being okay, it was taken away from the medical ---- because of pressure of the gay lobby + and some animals eat their pheotus, does this mean we should do it?

Dr. Al-Jamil: the decision to remove homosexuality is based on arguments that were strong. Their homosexuality was not causing the three Ds. And thus they cannot "be treated" for being homosexuals. We have done more harm to our patients in trying to change their sexuality, we cause more distress.

Richard Dean: The argument is false, that

question two: if WHO and scientific research think that homosexuality is linked with diseases, do u think that it is acceptable for society to let homosexuals contribute to the decline of our society?

Dr. Al-Jamil: we have to find mediating factors that are mediating that relationship: acts of prejudice, discrimination ... I don't seem to be familiar with the studies that you are familiar with.

Public comment: May I suggest that in the future we may discuss homophobia as a disease

Question three: A friend told me that he doesn't have a problem with homosexuals as long as it's behind closed doors because he wouldn't know how to explain it to his son, that it's for pleasure, not for making babies. It got me thinking, To Helem, [something about sectarianism, her comment falajni]

About secterianism, Helem is a space where people come together ...

Dr. Al-Jamil: [...] studies show that children adopted in homosexual relations do not develop more homosexual tendencies than ones with heterosexual parents

Dr. Dean: [..] you wouldn't want to say if some situations create awkward moments for parents we should outlaw whatever.. we should find a balance...

Rant Disclaimer: If you are looking for an objective and politically correct response to the Jerry Springer-esque circus I recently witnessed, then don’t read this post. Seriously, don’t. I just need to exorcise the demons that have possessed me after watching A7mar Bel Khat El3areed, so if you don’t like it, blog me. I’m considering suing LBC for irreparable emotional distress and the damage I inflicted on my TV as a result of throwing my Labneh sandwich at it, tomatoes and all.


As we all know, any show done thus far about any topic related to the LGBT community in the Middle East has been a complete disaster, designed only to parade around “the freaks” without even scratching the surface of the issues, for the enjoyment of all to boost the show’s ratings, so my expectations were very low to begin with. Miraculously, the show managed to reach a new low, so Bravo Malik Maktabi.


The cast guests of this grand production include the “objective” show host, played by Malik Maktabi, the “sympathetic” psychologist, played by Dr. Azoor, the “lost” boy, played by Omar from Egypt, the token effeminate queer, played by Lebanese Alfred, the Algerian butch played by Dawiya, the I-only-dated-women-because-I-never-had-access-to-men lady from Saudi Arabia, Hania. Ok I admit it’s the first time I’ve seen a woman from the Gulf talk about this, but I wish they had shown a more positive example too.


Now before I tear this b@#ch up, I must admit that the guests are really brave for going on national television and openly discussing their personal experiences in such a hostile environment, with the host clearly leading them on to answer in a way to support his conclusion of proving that homosexuality is an abomination/root of all evil/causes gingivitis etc. So hats off to you.


I really cannot pinpoint who infuriated me the most. We have the naïve anchor, Malek Maktabi, prancing around proclaiming himself to be “objective” while I can see the hatred and judgment shoot out of his beady eyes like laser beams. Are you really going to pretend that this is an objective show showing both sides of the story, even though all your guests and resident doctor were handpicked to portray a certain point?


In addition to his obviously homophobic stance, our dear host seems disturbingly hung up on the sexual aspects of being gay, constantly pressuring the guests to reveal the how’s of their sex lives. It quickly became clear that the show’s purpose was not information but titillation. Tight camera shots of the host’s face as he panted out his constant line of, “What about the sex? Did you have sex?” made me wonder if they focused on his powdered smug face to avoid his obvious hard-on.


Or maybe it was the “sympathetic” psychologist, Dr. Azoor who contradicts herself in a consistent rhythm; Homosexuality is not a disease. There’s a cure. Homosexuality has been removed from all the psychology/sociology disorders references. Homosexuals just need rehabilitation, I mean re-guidance. Well call me crazy, but why would something that you just said wasn’t a disorder or a disease need re-habilitation or re-guidance. Back to where exactly? Please enlighten me.


Oh and what has to be my favorite Dr. Azoor statement, Homosexuality in men results from a distant and/or abusive father or an overbearing mother. Lesbians just suffer from penis envy. Oh doctor, my doctor. Please do me a favor, woman to woman. How about not perpetuating the macho male fantasy that all females are jealous and secretly want to have a penis? Personally, I don’t know how men walk around with these things; I love my vagina thank you very much.


Later on in the show, Dr. Azoor discusses the nature vs. nurture debate and her conclusion? Natural tendencies don’t play a role unless they are provoked or influenced by events or the environment and experiences that the person goes through. Our lovely anchor provokes her further and asks what do you say to people who say they were born this way, to which she replies, its just a comfort for them to say that but Nurture ultimately trumps nature. So by this distorted logic, lets just ignore the decades of research showing the 3-10% of the population identify as gay and lesbian, and never mind studies that have shown homosexual tendencies in advanced species like monkeys and dolphins, and current research that aims to isolate the gay gene or combination of genes. It is ultimately the environment that determines a person’s sexual orientation and it is ultimately a choice. Now why would I choose to be a target for parental disapproval, societal excommunication, and additional challenges, when I can just choose to be straight? Thanks for perpetuating the myth that we are gay because we weren’t raised “right”. I’m sure that is a great comfort to the parents of gay and questioning teens.


Maybe it was Omar, clearly a flaming homo, who says that he is seeking redemption as he was “lost” but now he’s going back to the “right” path. Omar says that he will go back to men if he doesn’t find the “perfect” woman that he envisions and dreams of. At which point, to the horror of everyone, Malik asks him if this picture of the perfect woman looks like his mother. WTF? We have entered a weird incest zone people.


Well Omar, all I have to say is good luck with that. Because the Haifa Wehbe-Angelina Jolie-Jessica Beals mutant goddess you envision in your horn dog adolescent fantasies DOES NOT EXIST. Believe me; if she did exist I would be dating her. (I can dream, can’t I?)


Omar says his dad is distant and very aggressive and that’s why he’s gay because his dad doesn’t take any interest in his life even though he is not doing anything wrong. Also his friends influenced him and peer pressured him into having a gay-a-thon of “wrongness” with them, before backtracking to say that being gay is OK, unless it’s him apparently.


Correct me if I’m wrong, but lots of kids grow up with a distant parent and face peer pressure, and as far as I can tell from the nights my single gay friends spend alone, these kids didn’t all grow up to become gay pride paraders.


So Omar was not born gay his father/mother/friends/cat, made him gay. Maybe that is some people’s experience but I’m really sick and tired of the old adage: He’s gay = he was abused as a child. She’s gay = her father was distant or her mother was overbearing. What a load of dusty crap! Seriously if you are going to argue against homosexuality, give me something fresh, mix it up a little. Common be creative. Like say, being gay turns people into human magnets because all that butt sex makes you so static that everything you touch just sticks to you with a high magnetism that you can’t control. That would at least be amusing.


Of course, Malik was outraged that Omar thinks he is not doing anything wrong, and revealed that Omar will share his secret for the first time and went to commercial. Oooohhh Ahhhhh. Idiot.


[After the break] Malik: Do you still want to announce your secret or you want to announce something else? Don’t flatter yourself Malik you didn’t cause some epiphany for our poor little lost boy, please get over yourself your splattering ego all over the inside of my TV screen (Ill just add that to LBC’s bill). God, what a douche bag.


The studio audience didn’t really add anything new to the discussion, with their comments limited to the classic this is against all religions and people are not born gay but they become gay from certain influences and circumstances and people must fight against it.


Dawiya from Algeria was the only rational person here who is also coming out to her parents on national television (which I find questionable) saying that I’m just looking for love and I hope they will accept me for who I am. I love men, they are my brothers, father, friends.


The highlight of the show for me wasn’t a guest, or even an audience member for that matter, it was a Lebanese caller from Qatar who was trying to share his experience that he was a Lebanese gay man in a healthy relationship and he is out to his family and friends and even at work (which I found unbelievably inspiring), before he was rudely interrupted by our darling host. So what does Malik do when he gets a call from someone who is a living example that gays are normal people with jobs and can find acceptance in their lives? Cut him off and go to the crazy lady calling from Saudi Arabia cursing everyone with eternal damnation.


Every time we take a step forward we are pulled back by the bungee cord of ignorance held by nitwits like this bunch.


The bottom line? There is no right or wrong answer as each person’s experience is different. But to claim that your show will present an objective view of homosexuality in the Middle East and then go on to show only one side of the story and invite guests who’s personal experience ultimately confirms your distorted and delusional point of view and screening calls to only air those who support your aforementioned conclusion is an affront to journalism.


Despite the show’s disastrous effects, the show did generate a healthy discussion between my semi-homophobic straight friends and I (who I’m not out to) about gay people and transgendered people and the nature VS nurture question. But ultimately the negative impact and damage that this show inflicted on the gay community far outweigh the minuscule benefits. Not to mention that I am down one Television set.

Psychologist: Homosexuality is not an illness

Hana2:
Anchor: did you ever think that your husband cheated on you because he was sexually not satisfied with you
Hana2: no, men are cheaters, the man is a cheater
Anchor: I love men even with treason. I would never give up on men

Psychologist: Maybe Mrs. Hana2 has more sexually has more sexual needs than usual. In her case maybe
Sexual identity starts with the oedipus, the normal oedipus when the man gets attracted to the woman. Lesbians would seek to be obtain the man's body and for male homosexuality the man fuses with his mother and would seek to be with men like him


Omro Rifai: I love my dad, he's volatile but he was a good man
Anchor: do you think did something wrong?
Omro: yes
Achor: do you think you and your mom is one?


_______________________Break_____________________

Anchor to Amr: did anyone abuse you?
Amr: no
Anchor: But you were abused when you were 13, how did you feel?
Amr: tricked
Anchor: as a teenager, how was your relationship with women?
Amr: Awesome, I loved them
Anchor: physically?
Amr: yes once

Anchor: How did your sexual orientation to men evolve?
Amr: My friends, they influenced me, I fantasized about them and then it evolved
Anchor: did you ever feel something stopping you inside?
Amr: there is nothing wrong about it
Anchor: what is wrong what is right? homosexuality is wrong
amr: not a lot, but I want something better

psychologist: all homos feel guilty, even those who think they are not guilty, he has all the signs that made him gay, the absence of the father, abuse at early age, recurrent sexual behavior. He used to enjoy abuse subconsciously enjoyed. He was not born gay, he acquired homosexuality. Homosexuals can change and have a stable hetero relationships

Anchor to amr: what do you find in men?
Amr: tenderness, affection
Anchor: do you look for a man like your father
Amr: no
How do you find sexual ratification? is it easy?
Amr: no
Anchor: Internet?
Amr: yes, of course, like facebook
did you ever try to stop yourself? did you work?
Amr: I tried, it didnt work, now I stopped
do you still think of men?
Amr: no khalas
Anchor: do you think of women? or of men like women
Amr: if I wanted a woman I would have been with a true woman, as god has created her


Participant from the crowd: god spoke about this and banned this completely. Think of the people of Lut. God threw rocks at them. We all sin but to see sin as right that is horrible. This is not born with people, it's acquired, by bad way to be raised, dominant mothers, god is all forgiving, but you must fight the devil.

Amr: you dont agree with what we say, right?
Participant: you say that this is what you have become, you can change
Amr: but think of me as your son would you accept me?
Participant: no, of course not.

Anchor: but I read in the washington post that homosexual relationships are not stable
Amr: but they cheat because they think it's cool
Anchor: what do you think of our societies?
Amr: retards

Reportage: a guy who prostituted himself for a man, then he met his friends and so on. They portray him in a very crappy crappy apartment. "I became perverted because of my poverty"

Anchor to psychologists: gays want to change. Homosexuality is acquired, but how does two siblings grow different
Psychologist: because it's not always about the family. The child may identify with someone else than the father

Caller: I am openly gay, I have been living here for a while in qatar and in kuweit before that. I live very normally.
Anchor: how did you tell your parents?
Call: when I was in a long relationship I told them
Anchor: how did they accept it
Call: they accpet me though they are religious, but they accept me because they love me and they love my friend.

_____________________BREAK__________________

Tawiya: I respect men and love men, they are our fathers, brothers....
Anchor: How do you seduce women
Tawiya: there is not seduction, there is attraction
Anchor: does a butchy woman attract you?
Tawiya: I am butchy, i want a feminine strong woman
Anchor: isnt that contradictory?
Tawiya: Look feminine is not weak
Anchor: do you look for sex in women?
Tawiya: No! I look for affection
Anchor: cant a man give you affection
Tawiya: Of course they can, as a father, as a brother...
Anchor: were you ever with a man physically?
Tawiya: I was engaged with two men


Psychologist: fantasies are very diverse, just as humans are

Call3 (Adel): This is unacceptable. This should be repressed

Psychologist: Society is homophobic, homophobia is a reaction to the repressed homosexual half of human beings.

Call4: I agree with the acquired theory, I was sexually abused as a kid and I tried to stop myself from homosexuality but i couldnt.

Anchor: Homosexuality is illegal in Algeria
Tawiya


Mohammad l Hamed (Psy): It is not normal and not acceptable

Psychologist: This is not an illness but it can be changed

In Meem we are often asked why we never do high profile media work? Since we are so progressive and we are so comfortable with our gender and sexual identity, why don’t we just go on TV and say it out loud, if we want to reach out to each and every Queer and Trans in Lebanon? And trust me their argument is quite strong, we are not ashamed of who we are, we love our identity, we love being who we are. Homosexuality is not the problem, Homophobia is. God loves us, it’s bigot and hypocrites that God despises. But we don’t want to go public, we don’t want to reveal the names of Members. Why? Because when anyone comes to Meem, it is not advocacy that s/he looks for, it is support. Some people choose to remain in the closet for the rest of their lives and that is their choice and their decision. It’s really cool to go down in the streets and to scream: Civil Rights or Civil War… hm, actually that wouldn’t sound so cool, but I am sure we can find some slogan that makes sense to our society and to our community. It’s really exciting! I personally can’t wait for the day when I would stand in the Lebanese parliament and ask all those men (and wives/sisters/daughters of men) a few questions. I can’t wait to ask them why I am still not a citizen just because I happen to have a vagina? Why do I need a man to give my children a last name when I already have one? Why is it that society would much rather see two men shooting each other instead of seeing two loving each other? Why is it that my gender is decided by a doctor just by looking at me naked? And I would like to ask them why my society is segregated according to something as superficial as sexes? Why do I have to choose which bathroom to go to, what wardrobe to wear, where do I get to sit in a car? So many questions I would like to ask them while looking them straight in the eyes and see them baffle and have nothing to answer, or giving me answers that wouldn’t convince anyone. But the truth remains that if I am ready others or not, if my parents would accept me others wouldn’t accept their queer kids, some would much rather see their daughters dead and never see them changing their gender. And we tend to under-estimate how much we need or want our parents to love us and accept us. We like to tell ourselves inno eh ibloune ibloune, ma ibloune yostoflo. But in the end of the day, we love our parents, we really and truly just want them to love us. We don’t want our mothers to cry and we don’t want our fathers to be sad. It’s not because we don’t conform to social standards that we will not love our parents. It hurts us when they don’t accept us and sometimes, it is really much better if we wait till we are ready to risk it all and come out to them. A lot of people (including LGBTQs) take the coming out process lightly; they think that it’s easy. But it’s not, the long term effect of social rejection can range from depression to physical illness. And it all makes you wonder, is it always worth it?

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2008

This Monday, I was reading this interesting article: Tonight we are going to party like it’s 1985 in which the author, Helen G who is a Transwoman, is denouncing the nomination of Julie Bindel (no seriously check out the link to her Wikipedia page, it’s short and interesting) for the Stonewall awards.

Why you may ask? Because, according to Helen, Julie is a Transphobe. Interesting, non? You see this case may not be directly relevant to our cause or our struggle as Meems, but it does in a way portray the everlasting, internalized xenophobia. Let me summarize for you what has been discussed in those articles:

You have on one hand, Julie Bindel and whoever she represents, who says things like:

As a lesbian, I no longer want to be lumped in with a list of folk defined by ‘odd’ sexual practices, she means anything that is not Lesbian
Transsexuals, having received short shrift from heterosexual society, asked to be included in our rainbow alliance
Queer (anyone who is into “kinky” sex)
Questioning (those having a think about who and how they might shag in the future)
finally (for now) Intersex (those born with biological features that are simultaneously perceived as male and female)
The mantra now at “gay” meetings is a tongue-twisting LGBTQQI.
But I for one do not wish to be lumped in with an ever-increasing list of folk defined by “odd” sexual habits or characteristics. Shall we just start with A and work our way through the alphabet? A, androgynous, b, bisexual, c, cat-fancying d, devil worshipping. Where will it ever end?
No seriously that is exactly what she says, I did not in any way alter any word she said, you can follow the link to her article to check. Now to be honest, I do understand her frustration… Or at least I feel like I should understand it somehow. For example, Lesbians were heavily implicated in the birth of the feminist movement, but then their cause was silenced to ensure the safety of the feminist cause, they gave more than they took. Then in the gay movement they were very implicated also but they were quickly rendered invisible, for all so many reasons. And I have heard a few times trans people make it very clear that they are not homosexuals, NO, they were just born in the wrong body!

So I guess I understand where all the frustration may come from.

Now on the other hand you have Helen G and whoever she represents (apparently a lot of Trans individuals, and more specifically Feminist Trans women) states that the Lesbians never did and never will accept transsexuals as true/full women.

Which gets me to ask myself a few questions, like for example: why is it so difficult for trans and homos to work together? Let’s look at the Lebanese scene, I work on queer issues. I have been working with gays and lesbians for like 2 years now and though the gay/lesbian community admits the presence and importance of trans issues, though they want to be inclusive, it is not that simple. Sometimes I even wonder if Trans people want to be part of the queer scene. Sometimes our goals are so different that I wonder what could possibly bring us together?

For LGB individuals the goal is to be accepted as people that are attracted to people from the same sex. Trans individuals want to be accepted as individuals whose sexual organs do not coincide with their self-identified gender. Right?

Of course it can be right! If this is how you perceive your activism then the previous statement is true for you. And in that case, I don’t really see how you can combine both in one group that works for the same mission.

But keep in mind that this is not how everyone sees activism, this is not how I see activism and this is not what Meem’s mission statement consists of. My activism in Meem is just part of a greater cause, it is the struggle for diversity. I don’t really care if I am accepted as a woman that loves women and I don’t care if I am woman that is not really a woman that does not belong to the female gender. I honestly don’t care. I allow myself to be with the person I am in love with and I allow myself to be person I am, gender and social standards are not really my problem, even prison is not really an issue for me.

My struggle, my goal, my grail is to alter society so that no one would suffer discrimination, no one would feel wrong because of their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their sex, their ethnic origin, their religion, their political choices, their social class… I want no one to suffer from discrimination… Enough already!

Is this feasible? Is it realistic? Probably not, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. I want a mission that makes sense and for me this definition makes sense. And through this definition, trans individuals and homos fight for the same cause, eradicating heteronormativity and this is only one aspect of what I want to work on. But it is the same social mechanism that leads to both homophobia and transphobia. It is those little social boxes that we are supposed to fit it:

“perfect boy, perfect girl, perfect love, perfect marriage proposal, perfect wedding, perfect kids, in a perfect house, with the perfect dog and the perfect cat that have the perfect fight.”

I fit nowhere in that definition, neither do gays, lesbians, bisexuals, queers, questioning, transgender, transsexual, transvestites, Intersexes, single mothers, shy men, atheists, anarchists, people who can’t afford fancy wedding rings and outfits… and so many others. And all of these groups are my activism allies.

Well I guess that says it all for me… I am queer and I am here to stay. Yes attack me, beat me, insult me, laugh at me and put me in jail. It is ok, you don’t know any better. I do. Heteros may not agree, lesbians may not be interested and trans’ may ridicule me, but then again, I have had worse, I have survived times when I didn’t agree with myself, when I was not interested in my own ideas and when I ridiculed myself. What do you think that you can do to make it worse for me?

I guess Bon Jovi was right, it’s my way. It’s now or never.

Pazuzu

Pointing your fingers at me
I’m so different…
Marginalizing me
I’m so different…
Spitting at me
I’m so different…
Hurting me
I’m so different…
Blaming
so different…
Hitting me
I’m so different…
Underestimating me
I’m so different…
Hunting me
I’m so different…
Dumping me
I’m so different…
People,
I’m going to live my life…
Carry on and never give in
I’m going to make my own destiny
I AM WHO I AM
With or without you
I’M INDIFFERENT






11/09/2008

~Silent Soul

~POWER TO THE FINOCHIOS

There were two girls, living apart
Once they met, and the flame burnt their heart
This was the apple, this was the sin
And the whole world dumped them in a bin

God is Love, and Love was their blame
They had to pretend and become with no name
To hide themselves from the wolves of society
That made hunting these girls their best specialty

Condemned for loving one another
They lost father and mother
No friends, no support, no understanding
And these two lovers were left with nothing

Criminals…CONVICTS
Being themselves caused them to pay through their nose
But instead of giving up their love, they chose to live in conflicts
Carry on, and make out of their love a prose

The day will come when the world will see
That their Apple is nothing but the fact of what they can really be.





~ Silent Soul on 04/09/2008

They judge you
They don’t even know you
You have known me for a year
Or maybe for two
You have known me for three years
Or maybe moreYou don’t know my favorite color
Do you even know the color of my eyes?
You don’t know my fears
Do you even know what makes me laugh?
You don’t know my past
‘Cause you never bothered to ask
Do you even know what happened to me when I was a child?
You don’t know what this all means to me
Do you even know what I need?
Most probably you don’t even know my name
You never gave me credit for making an effort
To change what you hate about me
‘Cause you never knew who I was
When I come asking for advise
You push me away
And this is not what a friend would do
And this is not what a family would do
And this is not what a lover would do
A friend won’t showoff
A family should support
A lover should give
And that’s what you don’t do
This is not a cry for sympathy
Nor a cry for help
This is not a cry for attention
Nor a cry for care and love
It’s a cry of “wake up and smell the coffee”
When you care you ask
When you are asked you help
When I have been always there for you
You should always be there for me too!

L.A

I was checking my inbox, when I found an e-mail announcing a workshop called “What Happened to the T in LGBT”, it didn’t mean much to me, of course I was going to attend since it’s one of Meem activities and a foreign person was being hosted. It was only a couple of days ago when we were having a discussion about transgender and queer people, and how Meem should work more on including their issues. I remember getting lost in that conversation, my ideas concerning gender and queer theory were blur and I couldn’t relate to any of these issues, I knew that if I were to think about it, it will confuse me even more.
And then it was Friday, the day I met Sinan, the feminist trans-guy who was here for the workshop I read about.
Hearing him talk about gender in general, his own experience with figuring out his gender identity, queer theory and the way he relates to it, and how he came to identify as a feminist, it changed me. Everything was suddenly clear to me, and another flow of thoughts came rushing, thoughts that helped me understand a bit more my own gender identity, but more importantly made me realize what it really means to be inclusive of all LGBTQ issues, and not leaving behind any of them. His passion, his understanding of the cause, his perspective… Although I can’t explain what exactly changed in my way of viewing things, I know it made a huge shift. They say that there are certain people who come into your life and inspire you in a way that changes you, I was inspired.

~Ran~

Saba7o girls and boys w ya3tikon l 3afye,

After the outing of the issue 0 of our Magazine “Bekhsoos” titled: Bekhsoos l homophobia

And after the Internal and International admiration that this magazine has collected, it’s time for everyone to get their brains back to work and start preparing for the next issue.

Quoting the crazy Editor-in-Chief:

…so break in the articles. I already have quite a few, (many thanks to all those who’ve already submitted stuff), and it would be great if you could submit some before the 19th midnight. Anything post that deadline will not be accepted, sorry!
The theme of this issue is Pride. It would be preferable if your submissions (writing, artwork, anything that can be uploaded on www.bekhsoos.com) are Pride-oriented; not just the Pride Marches and/or Parades, but more like what the concept of Pride means to you. If you have nothing to say concerning Pride, but have another topic in mind, please, by all means, do not hesitate to share it.

So what you need to remember is:

Tell us about Pride
Submit your articles before the 19th
Write in any language you feel comfortable with (Arabic, French, English, German, Spanish, Armenian…); our team of translators will translate it, or we would cooperate with you on the translation
For the Meems that live abroad, in countries where the Pride Parade is organized, it would be nice if you tell us about it, if you’ve never participated in it, then it would be interesting if you tell us why. In brief, just tell us, we are curious and there are lots of other curious people out there.

So for submissions or further information please contact the Editor-in-Chief: Jenni on the following email: jenni@meemgroup.org. Or if you’re too shy then just contact me and I will take care of communicating with her.

So juice those pens and amaze us.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Salut tout le monde,J’ai l’honneur de vous invitez à contribuer dans une oeuvre magnifique. Cet oeuvre s’appelle Bekhsoos (avec double O et non OU, faites attention). Bekhsoos est le fruit de la collaboration de toutes les filles et les garcons de Meem. C’est une magazine sympa et tres cool (egalement avec double O et non OU). Le numéro 0 de Bekhsoos est déjà disponible si vous voulez le consulter.

Mais on n’a pas de temps à perdre, numéro prochain ne va pa tarder à paraitre et je veux voir votre contribution dans ce nouveau numéro. Le sujet général sera le Pride et je suis certaine que vous avez beaucoup à dire sur ce sujet.

Alors installer vous bien et écrivez, une fois terminé, il suffit de l’envoyer à Jenni (jenni@meemgroup.org) et que le spectacle commence. mais faites attention il faut l’envoyer avant le 19 Juillet pour que l’équipe puisse le publier. Alors… Yalla pas de temps à perdre

N.B.: si vous voulez consulter le numéro précédent visitez la page suivante: www.bekhsoos.com

What a smurf’s moment of Madness :

Paint it black, paint it white,
Paint it to represent our right,
Make it red, make it blue,
Make it remind me of you.

Butter skin, oh butter skin,
You are the greatest sin,
Melting eyes and pantyhose,
Makes us friends but makes us foes.

Flower dress you smell so pure,
Hooked on you there is no cure,
Poison to the skin and heart,
Addiction cautioned from the start.

Women, women everywhere,
Where oh where should I stare?
Legs or chest? I cannot decide,
Which one would be a smoother ride?

Rainbow color from head to toe,
I heart women, that I know,
In the end girls just rock,
Yea I’m gay, are you shocked?

Smurf

Today is a historical day to me for my mom gave me the sign to never tell her about my sexual orientation. It’s a day I will never forget So I was on a women’s beach with my family and there was this lifeguard (a female of course) who hit on me bluntly in front of everyone and particularly in front of my mom and aunts. She sounded like a lesbian to me but I took her as a nice lifeguard who is trying to make friends.
However, as my mother noticed the approaches of the girl, the way she started “ghannijing” me and getting closer to me, she and my aunt suddenly came to me and asked me to get out of the pool. And so I did with a questioning face! Here comes the weird and funny part; when I asked them why did you ask me to get out of the pool my mom answered with fear:

What if she is a lesbian, ya mama shakla lesbian hay!

I laughed on the inside but I tried asking questions to know why my mother got terrified of the lifeguard (a girl) hitting on me. So I asked:

Why would you be afraid of lesbians, mom? Inno do they bite?!

Her answer was:

Everything not normal is terrifying to me and I don’t want you to talk to her again or be next to her.

But this girl never stopped trying to talk to me. So my mother got even more terrified and confessed:

My heart beats so fast from fear every time she talks to you

And so I finally got the sign from my own mother showing how I should never tell her about her daughter being a lesbian, about the truth under my skin, about who I really am and about who I am proud of being. I felt the disappointment, the fear and the irony. I was disappointed because I never imagined people were afraid of lesbians, I mean what are they, terrorists?!?! I was disappointed because it came from my mom, the sign I’ve been waiting for, came out as a negative one. I always wanted to tell you, mom, but after today, I can never imagine telling you, maybe you would be scared of me. I felt scared too, because I kind of defended lesbians, and myself indirectly, while my mother was looking at me with these skeptical eyes of hers, so now I have to watch out for every step so she wouldn’t notice. What a shame it is to be hiding from who you really are and how shameful it feels not to be able to loudly defend women and myself in front of the woman who brought me to this world! The irony was that my mother never got scared when a guy talked to me, I mean if the lifeguard was a guy, would she react the same way? Are lesbians so abnormal in her eyes to the level of preferring a guy hitting on me instead of a girl? And she always refused for me to have a boyfriend (before I even discovered that I’m a lesbian). I hope my experience is a lesson for people to never out until their parents give them the positive safe sign. I wish my mother gave me the sign I’ve been waiting for since 3 years, but she left me highly and deeply disappointed.

Teddy