Or may I call you “beautiful warriors”.. Because that’s who you really are in my eyes. When I look at you sisters, I see faces beyond beauty and intelligence, I see wisdom, I see strength, I see minds willing enough, powerful enough, enough to change the world.
I write to you today because I feel the same need to share my emotions with “soldiers” like myself, fighting the same battle and for the same matter, wanting to twist this bitter reality around.
This reality of intolerance, of hatred, of a blind society misled by its ignorance, too coward to even think of making one step towards change of any kind. I look at it and I feel sickened, and I’m full of disgust. I cannot believe how people are nurtured what to think, what to believe, what to tolerate and what to reject, what to love and what to hate. It’s got to a point where having our brains up in our skulls made no sense anymore, for there’ll always be someone or something thinking and planning the course of our lives for us. It’s either religions, or traditions, or archaic laws that have been there since 1960, etc. etc. This is how messed up our society is today.
And I wake up, everyday, in desperate need to twist these facts, and I say to myself “I must make a difference, I must conquer this screwed up maze!” But to do it, I had to set some things straight.
-1ST who am I? I’m a woman, I’m an LBTQ, I’m different and I’m proud. I’m strong beyond measures, I’m independent, and I have dreams, and I have rights.
-2nd what do I want? I want 200% approval that my demands are fair. And I want this government to start making laws to protect me and my rights. As a woman I want to be able to give my name to my child and not have to be tied up with a man’s name for as long as I live. I want to fight for my rights because I deserve them not because I want to be equal to men! Personally I don’t! I believe women are the most gorgeous creatures on earth and asking to be equal with any other creature is asking to be inferior! I love men, respect them, the universe was made of us both and needs us both, but I’m different and unique and I think as one of nature laws women and men can never be on the same level, thankfully. What I want is not charity, what I want belongs to me! As a lesbian/bisexual woman I want to be able to love, get married, raise children. I want to be able to make a family and if I don’t, I want to be respected for my choice. I’m sick of leading a double life and I want to be able to express myself freely without fearing getting kicked out of my house, expelled from school or university, and banned from society for who I am. I want to walk the streets and hold hands with the woman I love; I want to take her in my arms without having half the population stare at us with disgust, and the other half curse us with eternal damnation. I want religions to worry about their heavens and leave us the earth to try and transform it into a decent place for everyone.
-3rd what are my weapons? Yes, weapons. Because through the years I’ve come to realize that we’re at war ladies! Maybe not a war that includes rockets and guns but it’s certainly war for me. Call me revolutionary, call me extremist, I’ve already heard it from 3 psychiatrists anyway, but sometimes change requires a revolution. Of course being diplomatic is way better and much more reasonable. But haven’t we tried that already? And yet, for many out there, we’re still just a group of angry pervert women corrupting ethics and values! We are a threat to their morals, to their cultures and they will fight us with every possible way they have! It wouldn’t surprise me using holocausts against us to protect themselves from our destruction! They are even suggesting isolating us all in mental institutions for the damage we are causing to society! I think this is a cold war we’re dealing with, and I think our enemies are many. And our best strategy would be to know our enemies, know what to expect from them and be ready to face it. I also think we, as an LGBT community are being pushed to the limits, and sometimes I really want to break this silence that’s been breaking me for a while now, and kill the pricks who are calling us sick, disgusting, and perverts, who are holding our rights as hostages, and who are hitting us publically on the streets.
Sometimes I’m just too outraged and I want to take over the media, the streets, the government chambers and tell them that there is prejudice out there, that there are causes that deserve your attention besides your mediocre parties killing each other over power! And ignoring it is only leaving us no choice but finding our own ways to obtain what’s originally ours!
My weapons are my dreams, my weapons are my ambitions, my weapons are my friends, my education, my tolerance, my knowledge, my hope in a better future, and you, dear warriors.
Sometimes I’m just so filled with anger and despair, and today I’m 20 years old, I’m drawing my path in life and I’m scared as hell for my future as one of the LGBT’s in Lebanon and the Arab world. But fear generates power and I certainly don’t want to turn 50 and see young people fighting an unfinished fight that was one day my responsibility.
At last what I can say to those in charge of giving to us what actually belongs to us is that isolating us from our identities means taking everything away from us, and more importantly, preventing us from being who we are proud to be. Doing so you are leaving us no choice but to react. Then when we reach that level to which I think we are too close today. You really wouldn’t want to be messing with “angry women” who got nothing left to lose!
Thank you for this sweet space on this awesome place, and sorry for all the ranting!