And of course the meeting starts with delay, it was supposed to start @ 6:00 and now it’s already 6:26 and EG and Elf are arguing about questioning and arguing about questioning…

And now everyone is choosing their nicknames:

So the attendees are: Elf, Tiny, Pazuzu, EarthGodess (EG), Eagle

EG: what I thought we could do today is that…. tomorrow we are going to be talking a lot about feminism and we’re going to nwasse3 afakna l lesbianiyye and talk to straightiyye, we’re going to be more public and open=> we’re creating the Censored, we already have a website: www.Censored.com. So we’re going to spend the night brainstomring about the Censored… Imagine we have the money, the volunteers, an office, and everything. What will our l Censored(in arabic) be like?

Elf: That’s its name in Arabic

EG: see Elf can’t stop herself from making question

EG is talking about BAZ (banatakhirzaman.org)…

Elf Q2: How active is BAZ

EG: well it did quite a few things but now we want to go and register something that is the Censored for many reasons, including the fact that BAZ’ name is not very practical but the Censored is self-explanatory. Now we will imagine that we have the Censored, what will we seriously do? Halla2 ana ftakaret inno we’re going to take the objectives of BAZ and imagine what projects can we do in order to achieve these goals (Elf asks another question ;)).

ELF: blabbering about the name of the type of work we will do (she is very hyper we dont know why)

EG: (is reading all of BAZ’ objectives) now that I read them I notice that it’s been so long i haven’t check them, I guess we need to change a few things

ELF: well we can achieve them but in a few years not now

EG: No we can

Tiny: well these are our objectives, ma daroure inno halla2 ra7 na3milon killon

ELF: like long term projects

EG: so ana killon badde ishtighil 3layon bas where to start. For ex, (EG is quoting michel hayek along with Tiny) I was thinking inno 7aram yi2ta3o l intikhebet w ma na3mel shi. Barke… Censored#2 (this one is very long but I’m sorry security reasons farado 7alon)

ELF: Why is that?

EG: Censored#2

Elf: we are going to make a lot of weight

EG: eh bas shou ra7 nistafeed?

Elf: Well you said shou ra7 na3mel? we are going to raise awareness

EG: but is it worth it?

Tiny: everyone is saying that it’s an Censored #2 mafsaliyye

EG: bas inno fi ktir ishya btitwazza3 lesh mish ni7na?

Pazuzu: la2anno we dont threaten anyone

EG: do you think we need a permission

Pazuzu and a few others: yes, probably

EG: ok we will ask our lawyer.

Pazuzu: bas iza badna nnazzel 7ada badna ykoun 7ada kharj

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EG: halla2 fi shaghle min tneyn Censored#2

Censored#2

EG: fa ma ba3ref bis2al l mou7ame?

Elf: Definitely

EG: it will be fun

Elf: did the kafa stand teach us anything?

EG: well not much, inno nobody likes us, la l abc wala kafa wala marathon, why doesnt nyone like us? (then she answers herself) because we are bold and obnoxious and the location, w the location wasnt so good, inno right next to gasper and gambini, where all the emos hang out. (long discussion about emos) so that’s my idea, so what else.

Elf:we can have a viral campaign, via emails, and online stuff to get to people, it could be fun and it could serve our purpose, for the election or anything else

EG: so what do you think, inno is it worth it? inno it will be a bit liek a survey.

Pazuzu: bas it’s going to be very good, fa do we have the time

EG: well for this volunteers’ thing, we have 4 months to do this

Everyone is worried about the time limit

EG: but everyone would love that, it’s our cause!

Moving to women’s day:

Elf: should every women should have a theme? what do other countries do?

EG: a frnd of mine came and told me that a boss once gave all his female employees gifts.

Elf: we can do a live blogging, it’s awareness, we can talk about everything, a special day where we would talk about all the facts and figures

EG: we dont have facts and figures

Elf: kafa

EG: no

ELf: the government? ANYTHING, UN?! inno we get it and then we can advocate for Kafa law, and put all the notions out there. Let’s invade martyrs’ square and get all the people, who are interested, put a board and

Tiny: that’s the idea we had, to make a Censored #3 in the Censored#3

Elf: you can go to the Censored #3 and make a session, we will do a panel about women issues

Censored Censored Censored#3Executive boring talk between the elf, the eg and the tiny…

Emotional, mental physical health of women:

Elf: we can talk to health centers

EG: but i think we are ok on that level, non? All regions already have moustawsafet. But I was thinking of organic food, sports and stuff like that

Tiny: for me it was always about opening space for women to talk, online spaces, and discussion meetings

Elf: is it important to have primary, secondary and tertiary audience? inno how do we reach out to rural areas?

EG: let’s get back to our objective: spreading feminism. Inno suppose a new feminist comes in how do we “screen” her, inno how to welcome her? Inno if you are new what would you want to find?

Elf: a meeting, some follow up, not necessarily a one-on-one but follow-up.

Pazuzu: but why would you say what if we dont have a center? I think it;s essential to have that center

Tiny: well we should go out to people and reaching out to them in their own places

Pazuzu: but what about the time when we cant do that. inno ni7na bi Meem, do we still do the outreach visits to the south? no because sometimes you just need to be there with people informal…ly

EG: does anyone have chocolate?

And that is how we started the break

Since we missed the collaborative writing session in the House the other day I felt like I should be compensating about that. So let’s talk about Movements, since the next issue of Bekhsoos will be: Bekhsoos l Movement. Hm, I guess I should not speak of what a movement is or what it is not, I’m sure others will talk to you about it, and they know what they are talking about, unlike me.

What I will talk about is movement in my own experience and according to what I have seen in Lebanon. So what I am about to say is blatantly personal and perhaps a bit subjective.




So let’s see, what makes a wo/man want to be part of a movement? Most of us never get into a movement, the movement is just the exteriorization of what we have inside us. You do not register to become part. But you would realize (often very early on) that there are things that are either horrible or that just can be better. Then you start asking yourself why is this idea never discussed or dealt with. Until the day you find people like you that think like you or that are repulsed by the same things that bother you. That is not really a problem; you can find something in common with virtually everyone. No really you can. A movement is so vast and general that anyone can be part of it.

But then the hard part is to how to make a movement efficient, who to ally yourself with, and what other movements to include in the first, without jeopardizing it. We are all bundles of traumas walking on the streets and trying to make some sense out of this life and to take some pleasure out of this existence. There are so many details that the actual essence is lost. What makes Pazuzu Pazuzu and what are the details that just came to modulate and influence Pazuzu. Take out of my system every insult, every harassment, every trauma, every influencial idea I have received, take out every moment of guilt, of despair and humiliation, every tear and every outbreak of anger. Then take away every Mass I attended, every Christmas dinner, every laughter with friends and every shoulder I cried on… And when you are done removing all those moment of “influence” try looking for my essence, what will be left of Pazuzu once all of these details are removed? Nothing I fear.

It’s easy to say “I… I think… I believe… I know…” But who would understand it when I say that? Only the people who know what I know, believe in what I believe in, who think like I think, inno bi2ikhtisar, who are like me.

You know what is funny? We like to believe that we defend our cause because it is right, but in fact, we defend it because we want to improve things for ourselves. Whether the cause is righteous or not, is both subjective and impossible to measure. The idea to defend a cause that does not affect you directly is very romantic, attractive and everything. The Straight-Gay Alliance(s) strive on this concept. But it doesn’t work, let’s face it. In societies made of at least 80% of straight people, the Straight and Gay alliances have but a few straight individuals. Of course, the mere presence of these few make a huge difference. But why? Because, in my subjective meaningless opinion, it is because straight people would not relate to gay people. Three years ago, I was one of two straight supporters of Helem that I knew of. Now the other straight supporter of Helem, turned out to be gay or bisexual or queer, I never had the chance to talk to him. And me? Well I am clearly an everlasting queer; until time proves me wrong.

Ok, now bear with me and re-read what I have already written… As I read it I feel that it’s totally false though it is true. You see, if I was not a queer activist I would have been a “something else” activist. This is what I always knew, deep inside, but I thought I’d be working with people dealing with AIDS or suicide survivors. I remember that 2 years ago, a close friend of mine actually told me that I will move out of my place, move somewhere closer to Beirut and work in activism. His prognostics are slowly coming true. Is this common to others? Yes to some not all.

It’s like each person is an activist differently. Non? I wonder what makes you want to be an activist or not?

Pazuzu